| KEEP THE SUGAR AWAY FROM EXCEL | ! | |
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Inside the ACROSS Center for Munitions and Explosives, a very bored Excel has drapped herself over the main counter. Fanning herself with a paper fan she moans, "Haaaaatchaaaaaaaan? Excel is booooorrrrreeeeeed. Hatchan's giant jawbreaker didn't even make the time go by faster." From the back of the shop a soft, quiet voice calls out. "Senpai? *coughcoughcough* That was the Emerald Lord Ilpalazzo said to-*coughcough*" There's a horrible sound of blood hitting the floor. Excel sits up and moans again. "Excel thinks Hatchan has died again." The girl ponders carefully what her teammate has said and comes to the obvious conclusion, "Aaaah, Lord Ilpalazzooooooo. Excel is ready for you to come and take Excel away from this meager life and whisk her away to our own private paradise where we shall rule this city with an iron fist!" It goes on like this for about twenty more minutes. Obviously nothing is new around here... except maybe the 'NOW HIRING' sign in the window. A bell rings as Devi D pokes her head in the door. Seeing that there is someone at the counter, and that the door wasn't just left unlocked, she steps in, smoothing down her... black cargo pants and purple tank top. Devi walks up to the Desk and waits for Excel to notice her. Excel is still too busy lost in her own thoughts to notice anyone else. "Oooooh, Ilpalazzo! ILLPALAZZO! Excel WILL find a way to make you realize how important she is to you and how important you are to me. Waaaaaaaaaaai!" She hugs herself right off the edge of the counter and hits the floor with a loud, almost sickening, crunch. Apparently it didn't hurt too much as she leaps back to her feet and rubs the back of her head. This is the part where she notices her visitor finally. "Eh-heh-heh... HAIL ILPALAZZO!! WELCOME TO ACROSS MUNITIONS AND EXPLOSIVES!!! We have all sorts of things to destroy, explode, and generally cause chaos on the streets in the name of the ideological organization ACROSS! Come! Join us and help Excel and Hatchan gain the money needed to overthrow this wretched city and dance upon the skulls of the dead by destroying all those who do not follow the will of Lord Ilpalazzo!!!!" Wow, what a speech. "How can Excel help you today?" Faintly that voice can be heard again in the background. "...zzo." Devi takes a step back at the big long introduction speech and is slightly afraid to say anything in return. "Um, yes, I saw that you are hiring? I'd like to have that position." She straitens as though this is going as well as she had thought it would. If Devi where an Anime, she'd be sweat dropping.
Excel screams again, "HAAAAI!!!! Then you pass all the important requirements to joining the ACROSS CENTER FOR MUNITIONS AND EXPLOSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!" She pats Devi on the back, "ONE OF US! ONE OF US!!" Leaping down she picks up a bazooka off of a shelf and throws it at Devi. "Hai, Excel has a clown woman who wants this bazooka and if you see her tell her that Lord Ilpalazzo has said she can have it for free because of what she did in the museum last week when Excel and Hyatt where supposed to go and blow it up in the name of ILPLAAAAAAZZOOOO!!!" She pauses briefly to breathe. My god, she really does breathe from time to time. x_X "Excel get our special supplies from the tunnel in the back, so you shouldn't worry about that because if you knew where we where getting our supplies you might be nervous or stop selling them and that would be NOOOO GOOOOD-U!" She waggles a finger back and forth to emphasize her point. "Hatchan sometimes bleeds on the floor. You have to clean that up sometimes too just like Excel has to do when Excel has to clean the bathrooms it's not so bad and Hatchan isn't contagious so you don't have to worry about it as long as she has her medicine she's okay and we always keep a supply of her medicine under the counter so we don't have to worry about it. KAWAAAII!!!! EXCEL JUST REALIZED SHE HAS ENOUGH TIME TO GET RID OF THAT TERRIBLE JAW-BREAKER!" Leaping into the back room, Excel returns after a moment with a giant green emerald roughly the size of her upper torso. "Excel doesn't want to upset Lord Ilpalazzo by making him think she didn't appreciate the gift and even though Lord Ilpalazzo tried to disguise the gift by saying it was a mission for Excel, Excel won't be stupid enough to act like it was anything but, so Excel is going to go hide this in the city ruins so no one finds it so Excel won't get in trouble. YOU SAW NOTHING!!!" She blinks and pauses again. "Waaaait. What's your name, new employee?" Devi hops down and stands at attention while Excel speaks, her mouth drawn into a firm disciplined line until the Bazooka is thrown at her. It hits her in the head and she drops to the floor one leg up, arms out and twitching. After a second she stands back up again, holding the Bazooka as she would a rifle, nodding abruptly every few seconds. "O-oro? Oh, My name is Devi." Excel nods and smiles, flames somehow launch up from the floor behind her. "HAI! DEVI! YOU SHALL BE THE GREATEST EMPLOYEE WE HAVE EVER HIRED IN THE WHOLE OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE ACROSS CENTER FOR MUNITIONS AND EXPLOSIVES!!" Wait... those flames are cardboard and badly tapped together from old boxes. ...is that crayon? "Of course your the only employee we've ever hired in the existence of the ACROSS Center for Munitions and Explosives but that hardly matters to Excel, does it? Nope! No way! Just because you are the first, Dev-chan doesn't mean you won't be the best! Because you ARE THE BEST! YOU WILL BE THE BEST!! We will give you free supplies to show how much of the best you can be! HAAAAI!!!" More things are thrown at Devi from shelves at random while the cardboard flames fall under their own weight. A t-shirt, some guns, a costume that looks suspiciously like Akane Tendo's normal attire, a dead fairy with a tag hanging off of it that reads 'Jensa'. Where the hell does she get this stuff? "Yes yes! There you go! And you can have more if you need it, but don't take everything or Excel will have to go back into the sewers under the shop and get more supplies from the Restaurant down the street and Excel doesn't want to do that because we just did that again last night and sooner or later the crazy woman with the bat wings is going to try to eat Excel again and since Excel can't figure out where the Will has run away to, Excel is afraid that if she dies she might not be able to come back to help Lord Ilpalazzo and will never receive her true happiness and simply DIIIIIIE!!!!" She cries briefly. "Anyways! Excel must now be off! I must hide this jawbreaker that you did not see before Excel forgets about it again! Be back in fifteen minutes!!!" Hyatt coughs again, "Sempai...? It's a Master Emerald not a jaw-*coughcoughsplish*" Yep, dead again. Excel misses the whole of this information as she vanishes out the door without another word...
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