|Into the Pit with him!|
You walk into a very large restaurant with high ceilings that leave the rafters exposed. Fluorescent lamps hang from the ceiling, adding light to the floor and tables. Windows adorn the sides of the place, looking out onto the chaos that is Twisted. On some of the walls are paintings, photographs, and holograms of different movies, and a number of people who tend to visit the UR - caught as they're singing karaoke. The hardwood bar rests at the back of the restaurant, surface polished and shiny and all-together spotless (most of the time). Behind the bar are the various beverages that are serveed, and a giant mirror. There seem to be an inordinate amount of different drinks. A large stage rests in one of the corners of the restaurant, with an amazing sound system and a few microphones strung around it. Multiple round wooden tables are in the room, and a swing door leads into the kitchen. Another door leads to the dance club, and another to the gym. And of course, there's an exit. A large fireplace nestles in one of the walls, with a beautiful stone chimney that flows up and out. A long spiral staircase rests near the entrance to the kitchen, leading to a second-floor balcony that overlooks the UR itself. The lights up there are a bit dimmer than those down below.
Freakazoid sits at the bar of the Usual Restaurant nursing a root beer in a mug with a bamboo umbrella. Taking a huge gulp he manages to give himself a foam mustache which promptly gets wiped off with a single swipe of his arm and splattered across the floor. Beside him sits a heavy-set man named Coop currently munching on a chili dog and staring at a pair of car keys. Without warning Freakazoid flops onto Coop's shoulder and pretends to sob.
"IT WAS JUST SO SAAAAAAAAD."
The man glares and shoves the pajama-wearing hero off of him. "...ugh. What was?"
Never one to miss an opportunity Freakazoid leaps onto his barstool and spins around. "See it all started this morning...
The Wastelands - Chaos(#4470R)
If you thought the start of the Wastelands were bad, you had no idea. Instability is an issue, glimmers of other worlds clearly seen as they try equally to merge into, and push away this part of existence. A thousand possiblities, a thousand terrors. And worse yet, the longer one lingers this far into the wastes, the more their mind will try to rip itself apart from within. You've only got two directional options though: east and west. At least you've got a fifty-fifty chance of getting there.
See, here I was. Trying to build a sand castle.... Huh? What? Look, this is MY story. I'm going to do the posing! Alright, so there I was. I'd just put the finishing touches on my quarter scale replica of Winterfell... "ONE MORE FLAG AND I'M DONE!" Lookit me! I'm all handsome and awesome. Just as I put the last flag in.
SAND TO THE FACE!!
There he stands. Big guy and his army of lackeys. Clearly they're evil because he's all mean and gruff sounding. And that yellow lady sh-"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?" What?? I'm just narrating. Oh, oh. Right. He can't hear me. "I SAID WHAT?? I'M JUST NARRATING!!"
Kotal glares at the charming blue man in disgust. His Macuahuitl already drawn and looking thirsty for blood. "I MEANT the meaning of this....." He gestures down at THE MOST AMAZING SAND CASTLE EVER. "This frivolous waste of time."
The yellow bug lady shakes her head. "Thissss one thinks it isss building sssomething."
Our hero rises to his feet, spitting in the woman's face with his words. "THISSSSSSS one thinksssss you ssssssshould sssssssstop sssssspitting! It issssssss ssssssserioussssssly unssssanitary! SHEEEEEESH!!!!"
So about this time the big guy shoves me back, knocking me into my sandcastle and making me just SMASH all the work I'd put into it. He's all like, "HOW DARE YOU MOCK DEVORAH! I shall make a trophy of your head!!"
MEANWHILE IN THE UR
Coop looks unphased by this story. "It sounds to me like you had it coming. I mean you went off on this chick like you where the cat from Loony Toons."
Freakazoid looks hurt and ashamed, "His name is Silvester! Besides, that's not the sad part of the story.
ROUND ONE FIGHT!!
So dropping some quarters in the machine I select Liu Kang because his fireballs are like SO cheesy. You can just spam them again and agai-
MEANWHILE IN THE UR
Coop stops him, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you were talking about some guy out in the Wastelands!"
"I am! He's totally a character from that Mortal Kombat game. Besides I looked really cool with the Robin Shou wig."
BACK TO THE FIGHT, AGAIN
"HWAAAAAAAAAA!! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!"
Kotal looks less than pleased, "Will you fight, or do you plan to simply waste my time with these ridiculous antics?"
"Oh, I'll fight all right." About that time I'd held the B button so long that I let go and did a mad bicycle kick through the air into his face. "YOMUTHADOESN'TLOVEYOUGONNAKICKYOUINTHEFACE!"
But he expected it or something because next thing I know I'm totally on the ground again. The dude was all like, "Please. I am KOTAL KAHN, rightful ruler of Outworld and Director of TASK. I have fought GODS. You? You are nothing but a fool with silly costumes. CHALLENGE ME!! FACE ME IN GLORIOUS KOMBAT!!"
Dawning a suit and tie I approach the podium. "Okay, for $100 who was the actor that played the God of Thunder and Lightning in the 1995 film adaptation of the popular video game?"
He steps forwards, smashing my podium. Which was a shame really, because that cost me twice that amount at S-Mart. "STOP WASTING MY TIME AND FIGHT!!!"
BACK IN THE UR, AGAIN
Coop yawns, his chili dogs finished and the plate looking freshly licked clean. "Then what?"
Freakazoid crosses his arms and shrugs, "Well, I dug a hole."
The mullet-haired man shakes his head. Obviously this was a waste of time. "How deep of a hole?"
Freakazoid shrugs again, "Deeper than Munin's last plot hole."
Coop shakes his head again, almost afraid to ask any further questions. "What happened to the guy?"
"Oh, see. That part was brilliant! I dug the hole UNDER them. See? I had my shovel and bucket in the beginning of the flashback. He fell, his goons fell. They're probably still fallling."
He shouldn't have asked. Rubbing his eyes, the large man just shakes his head. "So what was the sad part, again?"
Freakazoid suddenly perks up, patting Coop on the back, "I couldn't pay for my root beer. Thanks buddy!" In a streak of blue lightning the Freak is gone leaving Coop alone in the bar with his tab laying on his plate. "AAAAAAAH!!! DANGIT!!!"
No seriously. Probably still falling. Someone do me a favor and if you see him crawl back out, tell him I moved to Switzerland or something. I mean that dude was SCARY. His arms where larger than my HEAD! How does someone get that big?? JEEEZE!! Now I'm gonna go get snowcones with my good buddy Jim. G'NIGHT EVERYBODY!!