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Well! That was an entertaining way to spend the morning. The only thing better than Pizza for lunch is to have Pizza with a friend! Tidus and Desmond are returning from NeoEdo after visiting the Samurai Pizza Cats place and let's just say they are taking the long way home through the bridge rather than take the bus to walk off the feast they just had. "Man, I'm stuffed." Says the hooded assassin as he places he places his hands behind his back whilst walking side to side with Tidus. "Don't think I've ever eaten so much pizza."
Tidus is like most teenage boys. Feed him and he's your friend forever. Desmond has done that, with the pizza he mentioned, and so has a friend for life. Tidus walks alongside Desmond slowly, his own hands behind his head, fingers laced together. He's sort of half looking up at the sky, but not enough that he's not walking where he's going. That very typical JRPG protagonist way that happens so often. "Oh man, I know," he returns. "I'd do again though. It's been a while since I had pizza. Spira never had anything like it."
"Your world doesn't have pizza?" Asks a bewildered Desmond. "That sounds awful. Did you guys at least had ice cream?" Even if he knows its completely possible, a world without pizza or ice cream is just too horrifying for the assassin to imagine.
And speaking of horrifying things, who would show up in the horizon whilst Desmond and Tidus are walking than a trio of familiar, green skinned, hulking creatures. "Aw shit, Orks." Desmond mumbles under his breath as he watches the brutes lumbering in their direction with noisy steps, apparently trekking towards NeoEdo. "Let's cross the street." Suggests Desmond as he attempts to pull Tidus by the sleeve so they can get on the other side of the bridge.
The Orks up ahead notice this though and begin heckling with their brutish mannerisms. "Dun think I dun see ye muckin' bout ovar thar humie!!" Laughs the leading Ork as he raises his fist making a rude gesture. "Come 'ere so me and me boyz can crump ye!"
"Well, it had both really... but it's complicated," Tidus begins. But then suddenly Desmond is pulling at a sleeve, and Tidus looks up. Orks? Desmond mentioned those, didn't he? Yeah, Tidus doesn't really want to spoil his nice full-tummy lethargy with a fight. So he nods, and starts to follow Desmond to the other side of the bridge. Unfortunately... Tidus is one of those hotblooded shounen protagonists. It's usually pretty easy to see, but here it's on full display. When the Ork makes that rude gesture, Tidus fires back, "Says the green guy with a sea urchin in his mouth and an upside down garbage bin for a head-- that jaw keeps flappin', so who's stepping on your pedal?"
Along the bridge to the west, leaving Twisted to travel to Edo, is what appears to be a small mecha of a cat with a woman riding on top of it. Closer inspection may reveal it is in fact the size of a large lion or tiger, and the woman in question is only three feet tall... and wearing skull adorned armor. "Wait... do my eyes deceive me, Deathcake?" the woman says to her mount, which meows in response. She reaches up a hand to adjust something on her goggles and then claps. "Oh, my! I think I have found a small batch of orcs! Power up the turbines, Deathcake!" The robot cat meows again and the jet engines on either side of Doommuffin start to whir to life with a loud whining noise.
Desmond is ready to do as he usually does when running into Orks and just ignore them! That usually does the trick. Except he hadn't taken into account that he now has a hot blooded shonen protagonist tagging along and those tend to respond to insults no matter how much a bad idea it is. "No!! Don't antagonize them!" Desmond yells out, but its now too late!
"Wot ya call me ya git!!?" The Ork roars out in blistering anger, his eyes boiling red and his big tusks grinding together as he bashes the ground with his meaty fist. "Oh, dat iz it!! I'm give ye a roit an propa stompin' I iz!!!" Woop, this just escalated quickly. The trio of Orks pull out oversized axes and knives and begin rushing towards Tidus and Desmond, wholly ignoring any incoming traffic that comes their way. In fact, a passing car gets right down smashed to the side by one of them as they begin to cross the street to get towards the two men. "Geddem boyz!! WAAAAAAAAAGGGH!!!"
"Oh shit, run!!!" Desmond yells out and goes for plan B for when meeting Orks. Running in the opposite direction and climb some place tall.
At the very least one of the Orks is perceptive enough to realize that there's more joining in to this party and he glances towards the incoming Doommuffin and her cat. "Oi! Dun look nao but dar's a krumping stuntie comin'!"
"A stuntie!!? Wuren't dose extinct??"
Tidus is pretty good with spatial awareness. So when a tiny woman and a robot cat show up, he's looking in that direction. Blink. What the...? He hasn't heard her words, not from that far away, so instead he looks in Desmond's direction. He inclines his head towards the gnome woman and says, "I hope that's a friend of yours." Then suddenly the Orks are running at them! "Gah!" Yeah he's with Desmond right now, running seems like a good idea.
Doommuffin shouts, "Engage port and starbord blades! Angle for multiple target availability and prepare for impact!" Two swords swing out from Deathcake's sides, ready to slash into their targets as the jet powered robot comes roaring(it's the engines, not the cat) in towards the orcs. She holds on with one hand while unslinging her runeblade from her back. "For the Alliance!" she shouts, her creepily echoey voice barely heard over the strained whine of jet engines.
"Who on the what now!?" Desmond asks confusedly as Tidus tries to get his attention while they are running. Normally, Desmond would be pretty bad at perception being the major slacker that he is, but 5 separate runs in the Animus and the bleeding effect that comes with it would fix that. And believe me, Desmond needed all the bleeding effect he could get.
"Oh!" The assassin looks over his shoulder in mid run and spots the incoming gnome astride her mechanical battle cat. Desmond's eyes flash briefly and it seems that he instantly recognizes her. "That's one of guys that cleared out the Xenomorphs!" Looks like they are saved! And indeed, DM swiftly comes in and slices one of the Orks' stomach open, causing the hulking creature to stumble back and try to push all his guts back into his body. "Agggh!! Now ye done it, ya zuggin' stuntie!! Get 'er!!!" Strangely, the Ork seems to actually be successful at stuffing his intestines back inside and even seals his sliced up stomach by way of what appears to be a stapler. Though injured, he's now really pissed off and all three Orks and heading for DM, choppas and blades raised up. "WAAAAAGGH!"
"Great, now we can't let her take on all those guys by herself." Desmond grimaces. He may be a slacker, but he's no coward, and he's learned to not be selfish anymore. "Hey Tidus, do you have any weapons with ya?"
Jet-powered cats, undead gnomes (though Tidus doesn't know about the undead part), and green guys who can staple their intestines together and have it work. Yeah, this is... way beyond his scope. But much like Desmond, once Tidus sees that the woman riding the armored cat has dove into the fray, he can't just leave her to handle it herself. Desmond asks if he's got weapons and Tidus frowns. "No. They all got left in Spira when I disappeared..." Tidus looks back at the fight. He can't really help, not like this. "...Dammit!" He balls his hand up into a fist and hits one of the supports of the bridge.
A second passes... and then as if in reply, a light sparkles in the sky. What looks like a laser beam lances down in front of Tidus, and he raises his hands to shield his eyes. Maybe someone up there is pissed he hit the bridge? No, that's not it-- as the light fades, it's left something behind. Something that, as Tidus peeks over his hands, he recognizes. "...Caladbolg?" He blinks. It's a blue sword with silvery edges, the blade worked into a jagged shape. A moment passes and then he grins. "Now I do!" he answers to Desmond's question, reaching to pull the blade from where it was planted into the bridge.
Doommuffin leaps from Deathcake as the mecha continues off into the distance. It takes time for something like that to come to a stop, and Deathcake is gonna have to slow down for a bit before he can turn around to come back! "Wow, that is a bit more impressive than what I am used to with orcs! You must have had goblin medics in the past for that to be deemed an appropriate first aid response!" The runes on her sword glow as she takes a proper battle stance, almost beckoning the orks toward her as she steels for combat. As they arrive, biting insects suddenly swarm around the diminutive swordswoman, seeking out the skin of the orks to bit and sting and spread disease, and she swings her greatsword upward in an ark as both an ice blue and blood red rune glow on her blade.
"Quit yer yappin', stuntie!!" The Orks are not at all amused by DM's verbose nature. That, at least, they have in common with Horde orcs. All three of them charge headlong towards the tiny death knight and attempt to swing their weapons at her. Sadly for them, they don't get to clear the distance before they are overwhelmed by a swarm of insects. The first Ork takes the full front of the plague and backs off, trying to swat at the bugs surrounding DM with the flat of his giant axe. The other Ork arrives from the oblique angle and ends up eating the upwards slice from the gnome's death blade, cutting a deep gash across his stomach and chest-- which also fails to kill him too even though by all measures he should have been split in half. That's when the third Ork comes in from the other angle and swings a giant spiked mace a top DM's head trying to splatter her into tiny gnome bits.
Meanwhile, while this is all happening, Desmond gets to see Tidus having the tremendous luck of summoning a magical sword out of frigging nowhere. Could it the magic of Twisted? Or its an inner power the blond guy had? Desmond doesn't know but he tries his luck anyway. "I wish I had the sword of eden!!" He cries to the skies. Nothing happens. "An AK-47?" He asks in a smaller voice. Again, nothing. "Anything?" Some bird poop falls by his feet. Looks like Desmond is having the average Desmond luck.
"Whatever." He's not even going to try and get close to these Orks, Desmond reaches inside his sweat shirt and pulls out a handgun then removes the luck. The assassin had been packing this whole time and apparently people where none the wiser. "All right, Tidus. Let's see what you can do!" It's go time for the assassin and the warrior and Desmond begins running towards the Orks who are currently swarming DM from both sides. "Go! Get 'em while they're distracted!" He tells Tidus.
Tidus gives a sheepish look, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck with his free hand. He kinda feels bad for the guy, honestly. But he nods. "It's OK!" He pulls a fist in front of his chest, in a triumphant way-- yes THAT gesture, the shounen protagonist triumphant fist-- and says, "We got this! Keep safe!" With that he turns and runs towards where the Orks are crowding around DM.
Once he's within range, Tidus calls out to DM, "Hey!" Then he raises a hand up, then pulls it back down in a fist in front of his face. He seems to glow for a moment, and then he makes a sweeping gesture with his free hand. A red, ethereal-looking clock face appears before DM. And if it takes, she should find herself moving faster!
Doommuffin is fully bonked on the head by the spiked mace, her attention momentarily paused by the fact that that ork took that kind of hit and is still going. But a Death Knight is nothing if not tough, and even through she's clearly been stunned a little, that haste effect gets her back up and running much faster than she would have otherwise. She ducks around the one that hit her in a rather sloppy motion, but as she does so, the air about her momentarily shifts red as she changes her stance slightly. "The help is much appreciated!"
The Ork that smashed DM over the head seems pretty satisfied with his strike, though he gets a surprise of his own when he finds that the gnome is still standing and not splattered all over the asphalt as he expected. "Yer pretty tuff fer a stuntie!!!" At least it seems that these Orks have enough mental capacity to recognize a worthy opponent when they see one. Which, may not entirely be a good thing in this case, as it seems that it also means they are fully capable of recognizing when someone's pulling aggro.
To the Orks, its as if Desmond and Tidus have completely stopped existing, there's nothing in the world around them but DM. And they are putting all their efforts together into smashing her.
All three of them attack and they fully ignore the insects swarming all over DM. An axe, a giant knife and a spiked mace all come down at the same time on top of the gnome as they try to hit her wherever they are able.
To the back and on the side, Desmond opens fire with his Beretta and pops one of the Orks several times on the back of the skull. But, even though he's bleeding and looks hurt, he's still going!
"Sheesh, what are these guys made of!?"
"Just like a fiend!" Tidus calls in response to Desmond's question. He's strafing around the battle, seeing where he can do the most good. Thing is, while he's a warrior, he's also a support unit! So when he sees Doommuffin get beaned by that mace, he winces... and then does something more productive. He starts to glow again, and then cups a hand beside his mouth.
"C'mon, you can do it!" he Cheers to the deathknight. "Any one of us is twice as smart as all of these guys put together!" The words seem to carry something in them, to have a resonation that vibrates on the magical level. It's a bit of magic that DM might feel settling into her body. She might end up feeling stronger and tougher.
Doommuffin freezes her own skin to toughen herself up further just in time to get pummeled by all three attacks. Axe, giant sword, and mace all come down and smash into her, and she doesn't look very good for it... But considering all the metal that came down on her at once, it really could have been a lot worse. "That is a vast understatement! These bags of meat are far less intelligent than any orc I've ever run into before in my entire life! Or unlife, for that matter!" She raises both of her hands into the air as she scoots away from the three, and much of her wounds are healed! Really, she doesn't look any worse off than after that first hit! She hasn't, however, found the time to make another strike herself.
This is starting to look pretty bad from Desmond's perspective. Sure, the little juggernaut that is DM has been able to withstand hits like there's no tomorrow, and whatever Tidus seems to be doing is reinforcing the gnome's ability to shrug off blows.
However, thanks to the bleeding effect, Desmond instinctively feels like this is all not going as it should be. As an assassin, he wants all his opponents dead as quickly as possible, and the longer they stay in the fight the more chances these Orks have to get a lucky shot in and kill DM for good. Even now, the Orks are redoubling their efforts to break the tiny gnome and are already chasing after her with weapons raised high.
He's got to do something.
Swiftly and silently, Desmond holsters his gun back inside his sweatshirt. He runs past Tidus with an expression on his face that doesn't fit his laid back personality. It's almost as if he had been possessed, he moves as if he were a completely different person. And that other personality seems to be Death itself.
Desmond pulls no punches when dealing with these Orks. He climbers up behind one of the Ork's back and two blades emerge from under his wrists.
That's the sound of two hidden blades going inside one Ork's ears and double penetrating his brain. The Ork doesn't even make a sound, he just grows limp and falls face forward, dead before he hit the floor. It doesn't matter how tough they are, there's no way one can strengthen the ear drums and the base of the cerebellum.
Of course, killing one of them means that this time its Desmond who's drawing aggro. "Oi!!" The other two Orks -finally- realize there are other people there and begin charging from the hooded assassin. Desmond begins to back pedal keeping his eyes towards the Orks but he's also glancing at Tidus and DM expecting them to do something!
Tidus is, believe it or not, looking at this battle the way a fighter would. He's looking at the smaller details too, assisting as long as he can, as long as the Orks give him enough time to do so. DM's taking some serious hits, and he's about to try and pull the aggro off of her and onto him. He's pretty good at dodging, particularly big, slow enemies.
But then suddenly Desmond is zipping past him. "Wha-what? Hey! What are you doing?!" Tidus calls, jogging after Desmond. He isn't aware that the hoodie-wearing man has the degree of training that he does. He's particularly not expecting Desmond to MURDER one of the Orks with a hardcore ear-cleaning! Tidus skids to a stop, his eyes wide. "...Whoa."
But then he's aware that Desmond is in trouble, and he darts in front of Desmond. Then he jumps forward, a short hop towards an attacking Ork, and swings that sword.
Doommuffin groans and shakes her head. "That is what I get for attempting to fight as a Blood Knight when I myself specialise in Unholy..." She looks upon the enemies as one is quickly dispatched by Desmond, and another is about to be practically lept on by Tidus, all the while a whining noise can be heard approaching. "Hrm. I suppose then you should then maul the one that is currently without an attacker."
With what should be a viscious roar, but instead just sounds like an angry housecat, the blue painted robotic lion leaps over Doommuffin, bearing down on the indicated ork. With one last leap, it pounces at the ork, the knife-blade claws springing out as it makes its last approach, and the needle sharp teeth looking ready to rip out Deathcake's enemy's jugular.
Tidus' intervention couldn't have come sooner. Just as the Ork is about to smash his giant axe on Desmond, he steps back when he sees the blond human get in the way and swing that sword at him. Orks are notoriously bulky and slow, and this one is no different which means he takes that sword swipe right across the face giving him a nasty gash. "Urgg!!" He holds his badly sliced nose and wipes away the blood to continue fighting.
Only to hop to the side when his Ork companion gets tackled by a flying cat robot and gets his throat ripped out. The other Ork can't withstand that kind of damage and gurgles as he bleeds out before falling on his back.
"Huh, wez losing." The bloodied Ork, who is the one that stapled his stomach back together, realizes that the tables have turned as he is now the one who's outnumbered. He decides that its best to not stick around for the follow up and runs to the side before jumping on top a passing truck heading to NeoEdo. "I'll make ya pay fer dis, humies!!" Great, now everyone here will have a grudge with the Orks.
Tidus also moves to the side when the robotic lion leaps in, flashbacks from an old vid-sphere show popping into his head briefly, before he gets his mind back on the fight. "Not such a big guy when it's four on three, are ya?!" he taunts, pointing his sword at the remaining Ork. Fortunately it has the wisdom to leave. As for being made to 'pay' for this? "Put it on my dust account and let the rain settle it!"
Though when the Ork's out of sight, he sighs. And then he realizes that the bodies are still there. That's... more than a little unnerving. And it's clear in his expression that he is HIGHLY disturbed by there being bodies here. Which might be a little incongruous with the fact that he obviously knows how to fight, and plays for keeps.
Intead of dwelling on that, though, he asks, "Is everybody OK?" He particularly looks to the gnome, since she got smacked around quite a bit.
Well, the gnome is already apparently looting the corpses. She seems quite dissapointed as her fears are confirmed. These aren't orcs of the Horde. They don't even count in her talleys! She then looks up as Tidus. "Huh? Oh, yes, I am fine. I have had much, much worse happen to me in the past." She looks to Deathcake and motions with her head to the side. The robotic lion reacts by tossing the orc it was chewing on over the side of the bridge. Well, that's one body out of the way.
Desmond looks pretty relieved that the surviving Ork decided to leg it rather than to stay and fight till the bitter end. Not because of any sympathy, but because he wasn't looking forward dealing with a rampaging Ork that was dead set on dying while fighting.
"I'm fine." Desmond dusts his sweatshirt and offers a burp as an indication he's good and alive. "Man, I hate fighting with a full stomach." Had he known he was going to tackle a bunch of Orks on the way back he wouldn't have eaten that many pizzas. Placing his hands in his pockets, the hooded assassin glances at Tidus with an arched eyebrow. "Now you see why I hate those Orks?" Desmond also recognizes that look on Tidus' face as he sees the corpses of the Orks. That's the look of someone who's not used to seeing death, which is weird indeed, since Tidus definitely looks like he knows how to fight. Will probably ask him about it later. That is, assuming that Tidus still wants to hang out with Desmond after this mess, he's shown Tidus that he's not just some random guy who's got a knack for wearing hoodies. Desmond is a professional murderer and that's usually not a profession that leads to making a lot of friends.
"Hey, thanks for the assist Miss.. Doommuffin, right?" Desmond says to the gnome as she begins to loot the corpses. That's more than what she deserves for helping them out. "I read in the news that you cleared out the Xenomorph hive. I'm glad that this place has people like you."
Tidus doesn't say anything as DM starts looting the corpses. Fiends leave stuff behind. and those guys seemed a lot like fiends, not being able to do anything but vent their hate on any living people they find. Though he does go a little green when he notes the robotic lion chewing a corpse. Though yeah... throwing it over the side seems like a good idea. He's relieved to note that DM is unhurt.
And when Desmond burps, he snickers. Yeah, his stomach's a little upset too. But he has a cast-iron stomach. On the bright side, Desmond's great skill in murder doesn't seem to have changed Tidus's mind about hanging around him. The smile fades a moment later, though. "What's up with those guys anyway?" Tidus asks, looking in the direction the last Ork disappeared in. "They're just... they're no different than fiends," he observes, voicing the earlier thought. "Like they hate everything living and want to kill it, just because they need a target for their rage..."
He turns back to the conversation, though, as Desmond speaks up. He doesn't know much about what happened, since he doesn't really follow the news. Even if he ought to. But he listens for the time being.
Doommuffin perks up as it seems Desmond already is aware of her! "Yes! I am, in fact, Doommuffin! It was quite the exciting adventure, I assure you, and they were much more capable beings than these pea-brained excuses for orcs." She holds up a finger as she considers what she is about to say to be an important point. "When one's opponent has acidic blood of that potency, one truely must be cautious with one's interactions! I was unable to utilize Deathcake, for instance, as the acidic spray of a successful attack would have significantly damaged some of the finer components of his robotic body's construction." She then returns to a more neutral position, looking down at the remaining corpse. "These... they are just tough and strong. Nothing particularly threatening or interesting. They are tougher than the orcs of my homeworld, granted, but they are not nearly as interesting or as intelligent."
Desmond keeps his hands tucked inside his pockets and shrugs at Tidus' question about the Orks. Gone is the cold blooded killer from moments earlier who could dispatch a rampaging Ork in one movement. He's back to his usual laid back, slacker self. "Beats me." He wisely answers. "These things aren't from my world."
Thankfully, DM has a better insight on what transpired here and she goes at full length to explain not only what these Orks appear to be but also takes the liberty of comparing them to the Xenomorphs. "Yeah, I'm glad I missed that mess. Acid and I just don't mix." As DM continues explaining though, Desmond's eyes start glazing over as he loses focus until he's blinking fast. This little girl... person... DM is a chatterbox is what he's trying to say. "Ahuh, yeah, totally." He really isn't paying attention. Hopefully Tidus has better luck keeping up with DM because he's totally lost.
Tidus winces at the mention of acidic blood. "Eugh," he grunts. "I don't think acid and ANYBODY mix," he mentions. When DM mentions 'Deathcake' and then indicates the lion, Tidus looks at the blue robotic feline. "...'Deathcake'?" he intones, wondering if he heard that right. It does seem like Tidus is just as scatterbrained as Desmond, but he does hear what's being said. He's used to exposition, Auron used to do it a bunch. But once DM's done expositing, he offers a grin. "Well, I'm glad you're OK. I'm Tidus! Good to meet'cha."
Doommuffin gives Desmond a look that makes it clear she's aware he wasn't really paying attention. With her attention turning to Tidus, she becomes a bit more animated again. "True! Though in my case my armor is enchanted to not be quite so easily damaged! And yes! This is Deathcake, my faithful companion! Come out and say hello!" The robotic cat suddenly freezes, and from it drops... a perfectly normal siamese cat. That happens to be a ghost. The ghost cat walks over to Doommuffin and rubs against her leg in that manner that cats often do. No, he's not paying any attention to the strangers.
Desmond gives DM a sleepy look in return when she glares at him. He just can't help it! After a fight with Orks and a full pizza meal he's ready for a nap. Looks like he's the entire opposite of Tidus' sunny disposition, as Desmond is all yawns and laziness. At the very least though, Tidus' introduction of himself reminds him that he should at the very least be polite with his rescuer. "Oh, right." He clears his throat and gives a more solemn salute, fist clenched over his chest. "I'm Desmond. Safety and Peace." There we go, now they are all formally introduced.
Including Deathcake, who's spirit pops out of the robotic carapace and makes Desmond jump a bit. "Gaah! Is that a ghost!?" Funny, Desmond seems to be totally fine with the concept of Orks and robots and such, but ghosts really scare the crap out of him.
"That'll help, especially if you have to deal with things like those Orks," Tidus points out. "Even if those aren't from your world, they seem similar enough that you could deal with them." He noticed that, too. The appearance of the cat gets a blink. It's... see-through. He blinks. "What kind of cat is that? I've never seen one be transparent. I don't think that's a standard coat color..." And then Desmond's observation of the cat as a 'ghost'. He blinks. Looks to Desmond, then back to the cat. "Ghost? You mean the cat's an Unsent?"
Doommuffin laughs a little at Desmond's response to Deathcake. "Indeed he is a ghost! He was my pet when he was alive, and I brought him back this way." She then raises an eyebrow at Tidus. "Unsent? Is that what your people call undead? If so, then yes, both Deathcake and I are in fact undead. Oh, but I must be going on my way! That sale at the sword shop ends today, and I do intend to make the most of it! Come along, Deathcake, we need to get moving." She points at the robotic form, and the cat suddenly makes its way back into the machine. She soon climbs up the side of it, and Deathcake is back on his way to Neo-Edo. "It was quite the enjoyable experience to fight along side you to defeat our enemies!" she calls back to them as she is now on her way!