View source for 2010-08-15 (PreU) I'm a fat 87-year-old drunk, and you want me to fight?

{{Logsummary|
Title=I'm a fat 87-year-old drunk, and you want me to fight?
|Summary=In preparation for the Tournament, Zukah and Caliga sit in the Usual Restaurant to discuss what a tournament is.
|Who=[[Caliga]], [[Zukah_1.0]], [[Skutters]]
|Date=August 15th, 2010
|Where=Usual Restaurant, UR: Gym
|Log=

"Jesus. I know that the citizens of Dis have been complaining about a horrific odor seeping down from Twisted, but I had no clue that /your/ flabby green ass is responsible." Caliga stands over the passed out Zukahnaut, holding a rather large pitcher of ice water, which he promptly pours over the Makyo-jin's head. "Get up drunky. A little birdy says you may want to go home. I could arrange that, for a bit of a favor."

Zukah gasps in shock and grabs ahold of his chest, screaming thinly as he flops around on the floor like a beached fish. Shivering, he calms gradually and peers around the (too harshly lit) room with bloodshot and bleary eyes and scratches his ass with a rumbling deep in the back of his throat. "Bacon!" he wheezes. "Green is a horrible colour on you, you awful fucking swine bastard of a yeti THERE'S ICE IN MY FUCKING BEARD!"

"Suck it up. Or do you want to pay a visit back to my garden?" A slight grin comes from Caliga as he stares directly at Zukah. "After all that hard work, its still amazing to see just how far you can let yourself go when no ones paying attention. Then again, Seroni was in bad shape too when he showed up here.." He crosses his arms, only to glance over at the skutters. "No more alcohol for him. Let Sabin know that this man is no good for any of his tabs."

"Seroni?" Angrily swiping at the chunks of ice settled on his body, Zukah hauls himself - with effort and a fair amount of noise - to a sitting position. "What, did everyone get abducted by aliens in the night and sent to this goddamn dump?" His gold eyes glitter as they settle on one of the little robot waiters. "Or did he come here with me? I don't remember... so fuzzy. I remember a drinking contest. I thought it was with a leprechaun. Maybe it was really the little elf... He had red hair, I remember that much for sure." Drawing himself back to the here and now, the green behemoth's brows draw together. "I paid!" he snaps defensively.

"Time doesn't flow the way one expects here. So its a bit difficult to explain. However, Seroni has been here, and its left me rather perplexed over his sudden departure from the status of Northern Kaio. He wasn't to willing to elaborate, and with you in your current shape, I doubt you'll be of any use solving that mystery." Caliga reaches into his pocket and pulls out a Makyo fruit, which he then tosses at the behemoth of a Makyo-jin. "It is good that you've shown up. There's going to be a tournament here, and it would be rather... nostalgic to see you participate alongside Kaldrath and Vash."

The fruit bounces off of the top of the brute's hand as he tries to catch it, landing in Zukah's crotch. Muttering in some strange, uncouth language that may not even exist, he snatches it up and devours it whole. "Yer soulmate brought the games up last night," he slurs from around a mouthful of the fruit's flesh. "I said I'd show up to watch, maybe have a few beers, cheer on the underdogs, but when was the last time you ever saw me get into a pissing contest for sport?" A look of realization crossing his face as he swallows, he quickly amends "I mean proverbially."

"When you got something out of it." Caliga grins slightly before frowning slightly. "You've still got the piece of the Makyo Star that you were given, so why not? Its not like you won't have plenty of time to flabby yourself right back to normal afterwards. Plus, I know you miss it. It gave you a reason to drink, to celebrate a day of combat and victory. I mean, who doesn't like those kinds of drinks the best? Not to mention, there's brews here on Twisted, that you'd never even knew existed. An entire multiverse with alcohol from each one of the worlds that are apart of it. If I drank, I know that'd be rather tempting myself..."

Remembering last night's round of Makyo Fruit mead (his first taste of the ambrosia in decades), Zukah toungues the inside of his cheek in contemplation. Memories dance in front of his eyes of full alehouses, packed with his fellow soldiers celebrating the bloodletting of the day's battles. "Hrm." Reaching up to the smooth dome atop his head where his hair has receeded, he drums thick fingers on a thicker skull.

"Of course, if you're really in a hurry to go back to /our/ Earth, where there's no more Makyo Fruit, and all you have is whiskey and the like.. I can understand. Its not like any of this is even tempting at all to you." Caliga shrugs his shoulders, only to wave his right hand slightly, creating a slight ripple in the air before him. As the ripple moves about, a dingy rat infested bar comes into view, only to be completely barren of any of the precious droughts it once may have contained. "..It seems that the Grinning Makyo is also out of brew..."


Zukah says, "Who's competing?"

"Kaldrath, Vash, possibly Cale and his student. Who would have ever thought that my son would find someone, a woman no less, and start training her." Caliga allows the ripple to fade, only to start scratching his chin in contemplation. "As for the rest.. I don't really know. There are many denizens of Twisted, who are looking forward to testing their mettle. So there have been many precautions taken to make this as fair as possible for anyone who wishes to take part. Which is why I'm not participating. Especially since I won the last tournament that Twisted had."

Zukah snorts. "Fair? Forget it." He waves a hand. "So maybe goin' back home ain't on the top of my to-do list, really, but neither is thumb wrestlin' or whatever it is you have in mind." Wincing, leaning back against the wall, Zukah lays a hand across a faint scar marring his torso. "Just as much celebration in rootin' on a winner, right?" He grins. "Though there is a manner of where I'm gonna plop a bed down now..."

"Did I mention that the winner gets to eat for free for a year, at any of the establishments here on Twisted? That of course, does include drinks..." Caliga simply grins at Zukah as he says this, only to cough slightly. "I said it'd be fair, because there are beings who aren't capable of firing blasts of energy from their pinky toes. But it will be a full on fight. Some may surprise you if you did take part... Then again..."

Zukah says, "So what else is the prize?" Zukah yawns. "You gonna gather the most elite ass-kickers of the world who can't blow a planet up, toss 'em in a circle and tell them they get to save a couple hundred bucks a month for a year as a prize?" The haze is fading from his eyes, which are narrowing now. "Don't mistake ugly for gullible, mysterio. I want all the facts if I'm gonna bother to risk a fight with Superman's second cousin." He cracks a gnarled knuckle, wondering where the hell his bacon is. "I dunno whether you assume I'll be a total pushover or a juggernaut in this thing, but odds are whichever it is, you think wrong."

A rather devilish grin crosses Caliga's face as he looks over to one of the Skutters. "One Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster please." The skutter zooms back into the kitchen, only to return a few moments later with a large cup that seems to be smoking far more then is really safe. "Drink this, and tell me what you think. As for what else, well. What was the prize with any other tournament. You win some money, and have the title as the greatest in the land until the next one. Plus, this is something needed. Its meant to be more of a festival for everyone here. Things haven't been pleasent. Some of the things here have made the things that you and I went through in our universe look like Lil' Suzy frollicking through the flowers. Plus, that all you can eat for a year prize is worth it to beings like Kaldrath. You know how much he can put away. There are plenty of other beings here who are just as strong, if not stronger, with appetites just like his."

"WAIT." Holding up a calloused hand, Zukah closes his eyes (even going so far as to keep the roboslave waiting for a second). "Festival?" He looks up again, his hand only now reaching for the smoking cup. "Like a fair? With rides and games? And..." yellow fangs gleam "...and balloons? Big, bright ones with helium? OH. And hot dogs vendors?" He seems to be getting excited. Beaming, he almost absentmindedly downs the drink in a single brief series of gulps.
"Yeah, and just think how appreciative and willing those vendors are going to be to give free swag for the participants of the tournament..." Caliga winces slightly as Zukah downs the Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster, only to glance nervously at one of the skutters. "It's your fault if he dies."

Zukah says, "What was th--" Zukah chokes. The empty cup falls to to floor. His eyes widened into huge marbles, the Makyo stares straight ahead with unseeing eyes, his upper lip quivering (his lower lip dripping). The brief moment of stillness is broken by Zukah's head rocking back violently as though struck a blow, rebounding off the wall behind him, followed by a spasm of shivers that runs the full length of his body, ending with a shake of his long, Hulk Hogan-esque hair. He coughs, swallows, hacks and grins. "A year of those? I daresay I might be willing to sign up."

"Good. Which means that its going to prove to be far more entertaining. Besides, I'm rather sure you'll grow to like Twisted, and heck... I'll even chip in to help you build a brand new dingy Grinning Makyo. And you can even put it in the Red Light District, where it'd truly prosper..." Caliga grins slightly at the flabby green behemoth, only to point at a door that says 'GYM'. "Of course, you may want to tone your flab a bit."

Zukah scoffs. "Pah! I'm as solid as ever!" He foldly pats his paunch. "I may have a bit of portable cushioning, but hell, it's no different than sparring armour. And if this is just games, then all the better... YOU hit the gym, tiny!" With a thump on the chest, he adds "plus don't forget, I can make it all melt away if I wanna go through the effort of makin' like a blowfish and goin' Zukahnaut on someone's arse. Of course it just comes back when I revert, but hell, if we need photos for the promotion I'll just hit the kyodaika switch and some pimply art student can Photoshop me to regular size! What were we talkin' about again?"

"Yeah... Anyways. Keep in mind that it'll happen soon. Plus, a years worth of those drinks for free. And all you can drink. You've got it lucky, don'tcha?" Caliga grins slightly as he glances towards the door. "Sadly, I have to return to Dis. Far to much work going on down there, and sadly, I have to attend to other matters." He glances at the skutters, only to start laughing once more. "By the way, you can get Makyo Fruit here. Its abundant in the Usual Resturant." And with that, he suddenly vanishes, leaving the Makyo-jin to ponder over just what the hell he's gotten himself into.

The Makyo-jin does indeed ponder... but not long. Regarding the door Caliga had indicated with a wary and slightly distasteful air, he lumbers to his feet and begins to move.


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UR: Gym

This is not your average gym as the ceiling expands well above the normal height of the main UR. The walls seemed to be lined with an odd material that seems practically indestructable. Equipment of every kind is spread all around the sides of the gym from weights, ranging from wimpy to those even a Saiyin might have trouble lifting, to jump ropes. In the middle of the room is a large pad that could adequately fit ten people fighting at once for those big training sessions. Numerous other pads rest here and there and some are on the walls, there is a small table like object in the corner that lets you change the gravity of the room ranging from 1-100, along with tons of warning labels preventing you from sueing the UR if you get hurt. Near the back right corner is a large trunk filled with all kinds of fighting weapons. The rafters of the roof have been left exposed to practice those overhead aerial attacks. Also against a wall is a large panel where can you generate a holographic opponent.

Embedded into the wall of the gym is the Holographic Opponent Generator or H.O.G. for short. In it is a large control panel with a screen in the middle of and various buttons in the front. There is a small display on the panel that reads, "Please enter your opponents power levels." Looking down at the keypad you find you can make virtually any kind of opponent from strong to weak, magic user to power house. It's fairly easy and the directions are simple to understand. A small blinking button that says, "generate" lays to the side of the machine waiting to be pressed.
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Zukah squints at the keypad of the holographic opponent generator and clears his throat. Gingerly raising a single thick and stubby finger, he hesitantly pokes at a few buttons. He doesn't pay attention to the display. If he would have, he'd have seen that his big fingers were simply too large to only hit one button at a time, and the small warm-up he'd fancied on preparing for himself is about to turn out a bit more... exerting than he had intended.
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