CHIEF OF POLICE COLLAPSES
Earlier today, much of the police department activities seemed to momentarily come to a complete halt before returning to near normal, but with some of the officers looking somewhat spooked. Many had assumed some freaky etheric monster had invaded the headquarters, but the truth is both less and more interesting at the same time. The only attack that reportedly occurred this morning was a fairly mundane(cosmically speaking, of course. This kind of thing seems to be something that happens in every universe) panic attack. While at first this doesn't even seem worth reporting, it was the Chief of Police herself, former councilwoman Rayne Hurris that had the episode. Reportedly, after an all-night work shift, a large number of relatively minor and mundane reports and inquiries overloaded the Chief, and witnesses say she simply collapsed after hyperventilating. She was taken to a clinic where her condition was diagnosed.
"I told her she should take a longer vacation," one officer who asked to remain anonymous told us. "By the books, she had three months built up, but she's never taken more than personal and sick days off." Doctors reportedly have ordered her to take her entire accumilated vacation time to recooperate. The anonymous officer also told us, "She needs to learn to relax. We have this handled. Now I'm gonna get a can of hash and a cup of coffee." More official sources have stated that a temporary replacement will be announced shortly.
((OOC note from Rayne's player: This has actually been a long time coming. I had originally planned on something akin to this happening months ago, before all the insanity of the real world hit, and I intended it to be played out as a scene. As some of you may be aware, I work retail and have thus continued to work the entire time. In fact, my workload increased significantly for a while. What began as something to remove myself from having a character in a position where people expect me to play significant roles in the types of RP that I'm not particularly fond of quickly became a reflection of my real life self. I dreaded playing Rayne even more. I dreaded seeing people making characters with the intent of playing them alongside the chief even though I wasn't planning to keep Rayne there for long. I withdrew more, and then it really became too much of a reflection of my real life when I actually had a panic attack at work. After a later mental breakdown at work, I finally realized that I wasn't just putting it off because of laziness or difficulty getting people in to play the scene as I wanted. I didn't /want/ to play the scene anymore. I didn't want to relive that again. It would be a dreadful scene, a downer in so many tones and far too akin to real life for me rather than the escapism that Role Playing is for me. So unfortunately, this will be all we get of Rayne's mental breakdown at the police station and the beginning phase of her retirement as chief of police. No, I'm not planning on dropping Rayne. She'll continue, she's just not going to be a chaotic good aligned character in charge of a lawful organization anymore.))
RIOT AT THE USUAL RESTAURANT
Skutters. Small robotic life forms who have resided at the Usual Restaurant since the JMC Mining Copropration transport craft Starbug crashed into Twisted many years ago. Normally these claw-headed automatons seem to enjoy being tasked with the day-to-day operations of assisting patrons but when television station Channel 12 decided to reduce it's weekly John Wayne Thursdays film festival, these usually silent droids finally decided to speak out.
Tying up patrons and setting fire to the tables and chairs, this past Thursday was pandemonium for anyone unfortunate enough to enter the establishment. The Usual, this was not. The owner and proprieter of the Usual Restaurant, Yoiko Hibiki, had this to say, "I've never seen anything like it! It was adorable and terrifying all at the same time. The rioting was bad enough, but did they have to dress like cowboys and indians to do it? Good thing nobody got scalped."
While the situation was eventually brought to a close thanks to the brave efforts of Police Captain Mike Cosgrove and his quick thinking of bringing VHS recordings of many John Wayne films to pacify the rioting robots, it should be noted that the weekly film festival was only shortened by a single movie's length to make way for the revival of the New York syndicated World of the Psychic, hosted by Dr. Peter Venkman of Ghostbuster's fame. While Dr. Venkman isn't a stranger to angry mobs, we hope the heated welcome of his broadcast to Mabase's airwaves doesn't paint a poor picture of things to come.
KOHOKU PUBLIC ACADEMY WELCOMES NEW TEACHER
It is with great pleasure that the Kohoku Public Academy welcomes Lieutenant Adam Weissman into the ranks of it's staff. With his extensive military background as a former pilot and Commander in the Galaxy Garrison with five years service as a highly trained instructor, Mr. Weissman will be teaching Health Sciences for the Academy and assisting with some of the Physical Education classes. The faculty staff welcomes Mr. Weissman warmly and looks forwards to him becoming part of our community and hopes he will become a valued colleague in the Kohoku Public Academy's continued efforts to educate and enrich it's students.
THREE TEENS CRITICALLY INJURED IN AIRSHIP THEFT
Sad news this evening from the Plowse Bridge as a shower of bricks seemingly came out of nowhere, raining down destruction on passersby this afternoon. Two teens were taken to the Mabase Wellness Center for broken bones and scrapes while a third was rushed to the not yet officially opened Medical Mechanica hospital to undergo intensive care for a fractured skull after he was apparently buried alive in the wake.
Originally Police were hesitant to assign blame to any one entity but shortly afterwards the airship, Timelady's Grace, was stolen from where it was docked on the Plowse Bridge Observation Tower, presumably to help the assailant get away. A reward has been issued for information leading to the arrest of the unknown perpetrator and the safe return of the Timelady's Grace.
MEDICAL MECHANICA HOSPITAL TO OPEN SOON
While known across various worlds for medical robots, the people living on Twisted haven't seen much of the medical side of Medical Mechanica in recent years. Possibly in response to that a new hospital facility is scheduled to open soon due to the recent influx of large scale events that are beyond the scope of the Twisted Wellness Center such the train that collided into Cemetery Lane, the riot at New Market Mall and today's top story. As par the course with the elusive company, no actual details have been revealed outside the initial announcement but they did make a special exception over the boy involved in this afternoon's attack and with their help he is expected to make a full recovery.
RUMOR CONTROL: An Editorial
Please stop sending in information about the urban legend of the Icehouse Killer. There has never been any concrete proof of such an individual. There are very few wheelchair-bound citizens of Mabase so the odds of an unknown murder rolling around at night is preposterous. Until the Police Department issue an official statement we will treat all submitted reports as trolling. This modern culture should be ashamed of itself not only trying to cause a panic in our small recovering burg but implying something sinister about a disabled individual is positively insulting.
NEW MARKET RIOT
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Earlier today the New Market Mall was the scene of chaos when a Laser Tag game got out of hand and spread across the mall sending onlookers into a panic. Things escalated when autonomous plants began to join into the confusion sending an unnamed security guard into a frenzy that resulted in large scale property damage and required the Mabase City Police Department to step in and return order to the insanity. While the autonomous plants seemed to be a short-lived event, an on-going investigation has begun to track down goods that were shoplifted during the disturbance. In total more than fifteen businesses are reporting losses and the mall itself has had to lock its doors for the next few days while it attempts to repair the damage done and return to safe, normal operations.
CEMETERY LANE SHUTDOWN
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Arriving on this vehicle was a newcomer to Twisted who was taken to the Courthouse Clinic for observation and treated for injuries received prior to his arrival. His name has not yet been released.
The train itself, owned by the 'UMBRELLA CORPORATION' according to the markings on the side, was taken away later that evening by a joint Tricell/Medical Mechanica venture and repairs on the road were underway almost immediately afterwards. When asked how this was allowed to happen or why the damage wasn't taken care of automatically, the Bishop 3.2 unit tasked with the stability of Twisted declined comment.
Roadwork is expected to be completed this week.
GEGOSHI STEPS DOWN - BISHOP TAKES POSITION
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Gegoshi was recently granted full ownership of herself and given the free will and ability to decide for herself what she wanted to do. Apparently in response to this a new synth, Bishop, arrived on Twisted to fulfill her role. While this reporter can't speak of the specifics of this arrangement we do know that all of Gegoshi's duties, including maintaining and running the information kiosks around Twisted, where transferred over to the newly arrived Bishop 3.2 as of 10:46 AM.
Given her sudden freedom, Gegoshi has expressed interest in exploring the multiverse untethered and has resigned from Twisted's Council following the departure of Luna last April. This leaves current control of the Council firmly in the hands of Setsuna Meioh, Rayne Hurris, and Tabitha Li-Bogard until new council members can be brought in to replace them. With luck these positions won't be vacant long.
For all she's done for Twisted, we at the Twisted Gazette want to wish Gegoshi the best of luck in her future endeavors. She will always have a home here. As for our newest addition, we extend the warmest welcome to Bishop. Hopefully your time with us will be as pleasant as possible.
ACTION? ADVENTURE? EXCITEMENT?
Come down to **HEAVEN'S GATE LASER TAG** located in downtown Neo-Edo inside New Market Mall! Not ready yet to join the ranks of the LASER WARRIORS in our custom built PURGATORY ARENA? Enjoy a few rounds of our extensive arcade game collection! NEOTOKYO FIGHTING, STUPOR LASER, CHARIS PINBALL, AND MORE!! It's the latest craze across the cities!
DO YOU HAS WHAT IT TAKES!?
THE GREAT TWISTED FIRE
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
It didn't take long before the fire engulfed the entire city sending the horizon aflame with a brightness that could be seen from across the bay at our neighboring city, Neo-Edo. One resident went on record as saying, "It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen... until the smell of burning fur and flesh hit my nostrils." Disturbingly the aroma drifting across the water increased sales of Pizza Cats Pizza almost 300%. Unable to keep up with the demand the Pizza Cats Pizza Parlor suffered an unfortunately timed accident and yet another fire broke out.
Unable to tend to the fire due to all available firefighters already assisting with the Twisted City blaze, this secondary fire soon spread out of control as well. By 1am both cities where engulfed in flames with no end in sight. It wasn't until early morning of the 31st that things where finally brought under control, not due to the heroic efforts of Twisted's residents - but because there was simply nothing left to burn.
It was then that an amazing show of fourth wall breaking lead by both resident heroes Freakazoid and Earthworm Jim managed to reboot our universe from a backup by finding and murdering Johnny C after luring him out of Hell with the promise of burritos. While we were lucky this time, I fear that should a catastrophic event like this happen again our world is doomed. Luckily we were all here to band together in our time of need. This was an event to never be forgotten. One that will live on in infamy and a story that will be told for generations to come.
God bless us, everyone.
Article by, Hatate Himekaidou
After nearly a month of being under siege by the alien creatures known as Xenomorphs, TASK Force has officially announced that the streets of our beloved city are once again safe to travel without citizens needing to fear being dragged to alien hives and used as breeding hosts. Perhaps the most surprising news about this event is that it was not our hard working TASK officers who finally located the Xenomorphs' hive and put an end to their menace. Instead, we owe are continued alien free streets to a group of stalwart citizens who all have taken residence upon the Zeku-Kari beach.
Although the siren and the dwarf were unavailable for comments, this intrepid reporter was able to procure an exclusive interview with both the gnome Doommuffin and the hyena hybrid Urus.
Lady Doommuffin explained that she is qualified as both a deathknight and a tinkerer while still maintaining strong ties to her faction of her homeworld known as the Alliance. An intriguing character, she went to further explain that whenever she is not busy eliminating threats to our city she spends her time engineering projects of her own creation and purpose. Her latest invention is a robotic felonoid body that has the intended purpose of being a combat form for her ghostly cat pet, Deathcake. Deathcake declined to offer any comments.
She went on to explain that she and Muradin Bronzebeard hail from the same world and it was this kinship that drew them to live alongside each other despite neither of them having direct contact with each other back in their own dimension. A testament of how our fair city brings all people together. Doommuffin continued to say that gnomes and dwarves have always amicable relations even before joining the Alliance, perhaps the main reason why they felt at such ease battling the Xenomorphs side by side.
They hyena hybrid on the other hand introduced himself with far less grandeur than his gnomish compatriot. He stated that his full name is Urus Deravin and is currently in service of the Twisted Sea Kingdom, employed directly by self-proclaimed Queen of the Sea, Morgana.
Mr. Deravin previously worked for TASK as a private contractor. However, as the organization grew and had less need for bounty hunters and mercenaries in preference for actual officers, Urus' services were scarcely needed. That is when he explains how he was hired by Morgana and was offered a job as her intelligence advisor and bodyguard for when she has to deal with land dwellers. Lady Morgana, it seems, views all the beach people as her family and fall upon their jurisdiction and protection. In this way, Mr. Deravin explained, his relationship with Lady Morgana extended beyond professionalism and into friendship.
"The Xenomorphs. They are nasty, destructive beasts." Went to say a surly Urus as he adjusted the bandages on his body. Visible battle scars of having dealt with the creatures. "Merely being in the same vicinity is a hazard to health. They were many in number and required a lot of hard determination to keep them from taking us over. I will not say it was easy, but it was not the worst thing to happen to me by far."
Doommuffin was equally unimpressed by the danger presented by the Xenomorphs. "I have witnessed many creatures over my time fighting for the Alliance, and with the exception of their highly caustic blood, I do not find them to be much of a challange." Shrugged the gnomish deathknight in obvious disdain for her vanquished foes. "I have faced down Dreadlords, Lesser Sha, dragons, and greater elementals, any of which would be a greater challenge than these beasts."
From both accounts, it seems that the biggest challenge that the Xenomorphs presented to the Beach Warriors were their acidic blood. Once the group was able to overcome the aliens' defense mechanism they were far easier to dispatch.
Urus offered a laugh when asked how was it exactly that these four wayward warriors were able to take down an entire alien hive. "After finding their nest you could say it was as simple as having heavier weaponry.." He hoisted the gun from its holster a few inches to give us a good idea of what kind of firepower he was talking about.
"I engage in a combat style that is primarily physical in nature, using a runeblade that also helps to power the spells I have at my disposal." Doommuffin explained on how she personally dealt with the creatures. "These spells include those relating to blood, undeath, and frost. For the smaller individuals, the 'face huggers' as I have heard them called, I simply cast Death and Decay." The gnome turned and showcase and enchantment, causing what looked almost like blood rolling from the ground in an area. "This typically is sufficient for a group."
Despite having been more than prepared to take on the threat that was the Xenomorphs, Mr. Urus felt that it was not his responsibility or that of Morgana's warriors to deal with the aliens. He offered some very verbal criticism for TASK, who were once his previous employers.
"Now let me ask you, is not TASK supposed to be doing this?" Asked an irked Urus "The lady Morgana is PREGNANT, and she has more drive than most of them. They are busy trying to give tickets to nice tank ladies. A fluffy bunny could do that. It is up to citizens like you and me to keep our selves and the community safe."
Doomuffin instead decided to offer some helpful advice for the rest of the Twisted citizens.
"I highly suggest that any inhabitants that wish to live or work that close to the wastelands to more properly defend their land. Please utilize automated turrets, security cameras, land mines, and high-decibel alarm systems to ensure your safey and the safety of others. If you wish to have assistance with such an upgrade project, I would be happy to assist once I have completed the current phase of upgrades to Deathcake's robotic body."
Authorities informed the public that the Xenomorph hive location was under a cabbage farm located further in the outskirts of the city and closer to the wastelands. The farm, and entirety of the alien hive, has now been vaporized by one of TASK Director Kotal Kahn's obliterating sun rays.
The owner of the farm has been thus far unavailable for comments.
TANK ATTACK DESTROYS MOST OF DOWNTOWN TWISTED (USUAL SPARED)
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Presumably in response to being asked to leave the Sherman tank was again taken by the unidentified woman and due to heavily illegal modifications was launched like a rocket at the Usual Restaurant endangering the lives of the citizens still refusing to leave inside.
Luckily for the Usual the day was saved thanks to the heroic efforts of another unidentified red-haired woman with a jacket that stated 'UR BITCH'. We at the Twisted Gazette can only hope this isn't the heroic woman's name.
Although lives were spared, most of the shops on the street were shutdown for the remainder of the day for repairs and traffic was at a standstill for most of the afternoon. Stores should hopefully be reopening tomorrow morning.
Please notify T.A.S.K. of any information leading to the capture and arrest of this tank-driving madwoman.
NEW TWISTED ORGANIZATION; THE WELCOME CENTER
Article by, Hatate Himekaidou
Greetings Twisted public! Your very own inquisitive Tengu reporter here bringing you more exciting news occurring in our ever changing community. Today's story is a brand new governmental branch opening their doors; the long awaited Welcome Center.
Although the Welcome Center had officially opened for some weeks now, certain incidents had prevented this reporter from securing a proper interview with its staff. After repeated tries, the leader of the Welcome Center, a young lady with sparkling rainbow colored hair, Rayne Hurris, finally met with us to describe how this new organization came to be. Miss Hurris explained that she is currently the second in command in TASK, serving as the right hand of Director Kotal Kahn. She is, however, the defacto leader of the Welcome Center and oversees its procedures. Like many others living here in Twisted, Miss Hurris has not spent much time in this city, but seems to have acclimated very well and was noticed due to her actions. She went on to explain more about her true nature, which is not entirely human as one may initially assume.
"I'm a phoenix, and over four hundred years old, so when I say I've had a lot of odd jobs, I mean a lot of odd jobs. From mechanic on a capital ship to a professional backup dancer. You name a job, if it doesn't require a specialized degree, I've probably at least attempted to do it. Other than leadership positions... This is actually the first time anyone's put me into a leadership position."
Despite her claims of relatively little experience to jobs that require leadership, Miss Hurris has been quick to take command of the Welcome Center and has made it fully operational in remarkable short time. She explained the purpose of this new organization as a service that TASK has created that caters specifically to the newly displaced.
"We're there to help people adjust to a new life here in Twisted, point them towards the resources available here, and hopefully find them a place here in a more metaphorical sense than just a place to live." Said and enthusiastic Welcome Center director.
The question in everyone's minds is this however, Twisted City has been around for a long time. Why is it that it's not until now that a seemingly crucial organization such as this has been created?
"Well, to be honest..." Miss Hurris frowned as she answered "It's more or less just... something that had been floating around in my mind. TASK often gets called in to deal with convergences, be they legitimate dangers or just someone that's panicking about being in a strange place. So I was thinking, with something that happens as often as it is... The newly converged are so often just left to fend for themselves. People don't get told of the generosity of the Integra Arms and Usual Restaurant." Miss Hurris laughed "My first week in Twisted I spent sleeping in trees because I didn't know I had another option. So it's something that was building up in my mind, and when a friend mentioned she was thinking of creating a consulting office for the same thing... I saw that it had to be done. So I recruited both Sunset and Serenity, who is an absolute natural at this, and was more or less already doing it on her own just because she's... well, Serenity, put it before Kotal as a proposal, and bam, there we were going."
Miss Hurris had some interesting comments to say about thoughts for the future. Although operating with minimal staff and resources, she sounds confident that their efforts will soon take them to higher heights.
"We're currently at the bottom floor of TASK headquarters, we're looking into the possibility of eventually moving to a separate building, and perhaps even splitting from TASK entirely. Sunset and Serenity are really the stronger counselors, it comes more naturally to them, but I'm trying to get the hang of it as well."
"Somehow it always seems so much harder to do when I'm doing it in an official manner than when I was just out on the street. I guess it's the pressure of being the place people go to, rather than just a kind stranger on the street."
It appears that at long last, newcomers to Twisted will no longer have to suffer days or nearly weeks of confusion before someone explains to them what happened are where they now find themselves. Perhaps he are seeing the beginning of a bright new ear for our city. This reporter certainly hopes so!
Over the past weeks, alarming reports have come through that grotesque creatures have been appearing all over the city. These creatures called Xenomorphshave begun terrorizing citizens wherever they appear and unlucky victims of their attacks find themselves either eaten on the spot or dragged away to their currently unknown lairs.
TASK has been taking steps to keep these aliens under control and has successfully minimized their damage through quick response teams and aid of strong willed citizens.
In the meantime, citizens are advised to tread carefully and avoid isolated spots until this invasion is contained.
TWISTED WELCOMES NEW NEIGHBORS, CITY & CITIZENS APPEAR FROM FOG
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Good evening and Happy New Year. Citizens of Twisted City had a surprise this past weekend as the fog finally cleared on one end of the Twisted Street only to discover it no longer leading into the Wastelands but instead to our new neighboring city of Neo-Edo. For those who've made Twisted their home recently this came as a source of shock and confusion but to long time residence this sort of thing used to be common. While Señor Diablo was not available for comment the automated Gegoshi kiosks around Twisted were quick to point out that this was a planned appearance and that calm should be maintained.
Neo-Edo comes with it a few familiar old places including one of the more popular former establishments of Twisted City - The Pizza Cats Pizza Emporium. Owner and manager Francine had this to say: "We don't know what happened, but what can we do? We're still making pizza! Can we make one for you?" Hopefully our new sister city will be around for many years.
ADVERTISEMENT - WELCOME CITIZENS OF NEO-EDO!
This weekend all merchandise at S-Mart is 40% off in honor of our new friends in Neo-Edo! Everything from toasters to firearms, nothing is spared the savings! Remember, if you've come to the world of Twisted broke, our layaway services are always available for potential new employees! Don't take chances! Always Shop Smart! Shop S-Mart!!
RUMORS OF "ICEHOUSE KILLER" BEGIN TO CIRCULATE
Hopefully not a side effect of the newly connected city of Neo-Edo, an urban legend about a supposed "Icehouse Killer" are beginning to make rounds this morning. The story claims that a man in a wheelchair appears late at night on various street corners asking people traveling alone "Do you like Icehouse?" From there the story devolves into tales of people being tortured or murdered by the wheelchair bound man. We at the Twisted Gazette would like to remind readers that while there is no evidence of any such occurrence taking place, caution should always be taken when traveling the streets alone. If you must go out, try to bring a friend, ride the bus, or hire a taxi. Only fools take chances when they don't have to.
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CAR VANDAL STRIKES AGAIN
Local resident Harold Cooplowski (27) was the latest victim in a series of recent car vandalisms which have been popping up around Twisted the past two months. In the latest incident not only where the sparkplugs removed from his vehicle while visiting the Usual Restaurant but when filing a report the next day he was horrified to find it partially painted red with what appeared to be goats blood.
"I-I can't believe it! Who would DO such a thing?! You monsters!! When I find the rest of my robot I'm coming for you!!"
While the suspect has yet to be identified the source of the blood was no surprise. Many had stocked up at a recent sale held by Ray's Occult Books. The owner and proprietor, Ray Stantz (40), had this to say: "Hey, goats blood is a hot item. I can't be held responsible for its popularity!"
Flandre Scarlet, an employee of Ray's Occult Books, agrees wholeheartedly.
Article by, Hatate Himekaidou
Though TASK had largely received very positive feedback ever since its reemergence, many citizens questioned its ability to resolve the problems that had plagued Twisted recently. To this day, the fog monsters continue roaming the streets and the Joker, responsible for the destruction of the DMC building and other acts of terror, remains at large. When warnings came of an amphibious tribe of serpentine humanoids trying to take over our beaches, TASK's ability to do more than simply keep the dangers at bay was put heavily into question.
Finally, our new TASK force of security has proven that they do have the resources and manpower to deal with dangers that threaten our city. However, many citizens were surprised to find that this success is largely thanks to a citizen that assisted TASK in its efforts to deal with the Naga. In an effort to uncover the truth to its fullest, this reporter sought out this outstanding individual and acquired an exclusive interview with the mermaid Morgana.
When interviewed, lady Morgana stated that Director Kotal and TASK have worked very hard to keep the people of Twisted safe from all sorts of threats, and that this time, even though she does not form part of TASK directly she was able to offer her aide in protecting Twisted from a threat that came from the sea.
As for how she managed to accomplish such a fantastic feat as to pacify the Naga, Lady Morgana was kind enough to explain just what are the extent of her powers and abilities.
"I am gifted by being in a unique position of being born of the sea and having the skills to see this threat neutralized. The folk of the Naga tribe have been safely settled in a deep part of the sea far from land. The people of Twisted need not fear them any longer. I would kindly request that the Naga be left in peace and not sought out by the land dwelling folks."
Wanting to learn all sides from the story, this reporter interviewed TASK director Kotal Kahn who had some very interesting thoughts as to why he perceived letting Lady Morgana handle the situation was better than having TASK tackle the problem head on.
"The Naga, I am told, are a very warlike tribe who see themselves as the natural rulers of the sea, and were not too thrilled to find that they now had to share their new home with many who they deemed intruders to their territory. Normally, beings of such nature are impossible to negotiate with, but even though it would have been very easy for me to dive into their waters and slay them, as many of my most trusted confidants reminded me, there are quite a few among us that use the realm of Twisted as a way to start life anew. The Naga may have thought that they had to carry the warlike traditions of their homeland here, and it is our duty as long stand residents of Twisted, to teach newcomers like that them that they can find peace in this realm. I believe I made the right choice waiting for Morgana to negotiate with them in a peaceful manner and spare their lives."
Director Kotal Kahn went on to say that he wishes to use this incident to dispel the notion that because he is the god of war his solution to any obstacle is to destroy it. He wanted to assure this reporter and the citizens of Twisted as whole, that his job as head of TASK is to preserve the peace and such takes priority over his domain as a deity.
ATTACK ON DMC
Article by, Hatate Himekaidou
With reports of monster producing-demonic fog spreading through most of Twisted City it seems that there is no end for the troubles plaguing our home. When interviewed, TASK's newly appointed director, the enigmatic Kotal Kahn, had this to say about those whom he has dubbed 'enemies of the state'
“I will flay the flesh off their bones!!!”
Shortly after storming off, another TASK employee approached this reporter and introduced herself as Minu, Kotal's personal assistant. She had this to say in regards to Kotal Kahn's comment.
"Our director is very passionate about the job at hand and equally passionate about seeing justice served for all of Twisted. There are coordinated efforts in place for the identification of persons of interest. We will of course keep the media apprised of any pertinent information that would benefit the public at large.”
Despite the assurance for information to be made public, details about the attack itself are scarce - however eye witness reports outside of TASK point to the illusive Joker last seen almost two years ago after the destruction of the original Integra's Arms building. An attack which at the time of this writing he has still not been brought to justice for.
After our interview, the following information was posted publicly across TASK broadbands regarding suspects being sought for involvement in the recent attacks:
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST AND CAPTURE
The Twisted Gazette Late Edition
Article By: Red Corder
TASK has returned with a strong presence spearheaded by resident Dante Sparda. Some residents have questioned this move, however with the recent uptake in crime, those questions have been fully answered. The recent blotters by the officers of TASK have been welcomed by many.
One Jay Kerr has this to say on the subject: "Well, as a long standing citizen of this realm I have to question anyone who puts on a badge and starts touting that they are here to protect us when everything is rather fine. I mean, it's not like we have homicidal maniacs kicking in doors, while promising puppies and instead brandishing chainsaws. That's madness! Things are just fine as they are. Especially since the bat problem has been taken care of."
This reporter however disagrees with this, and welcomes TASK back. The following is recent blotters that have been posted for the public to see, and be made aware of those who would seemingly disrupt the peace Señor Diablo has brought to us.
Harley Quinn - Subdued in the process of armed robbery, and charged with disorderly conduct, vandalism, assaulting an officer of the law, and resisting arrest. Later released on probation and given a sentence of Community Service.
Prinny #4572 - Taken into custody after threatening to detonate explosives if they were not taken more seriously. Sentenced to counseling and anger management.
Bob Llewellyn - Arrested and charged with kidnapping, assault, and an overall a bad smegging attitude. Remains in custody pending trial.
From the Desk of Miyamoto Takashi, a brief editorial
Article By: Miyamoto Takashi
Good morning ladies and gentlemen of Twisted. This is your new news correspondent Miyamoto Takashi, filling in for Trilby Trang while he's out on location with an upcoming story. As you know his absence left a considerable impact with the Twisted Gazette, reducing us to our normal fair of yard sales and weather reports. As such I've been asked to step up and try and bring you news at least half as exciting as what many of you came to expect from our fine paper. Let me kick this off by saying this is an honor for me and I hope I can be here for a long time to come.
COFFEE OF DOOM UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP
Coming out of nowhere Coffee of Doom, our favorite local coffee house known for its unique attitude towards customers, has been placed under the ownership of local citizen Tina Guzmán. Tina formerly ran Mucho Mocha before being displaced along with many citizens in the Hell embargo back in what we now refer to as 6 DT. When asked if she would be keeping the store policies of Coffee of Doom Ms Guzman responded, "We'll see how it goes. I didn't come here just to change everything."
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY IN THE WASTELANDS
Reports have begun coming in about monsters and fighting in the chaotic wastelands which surround Twisted. While this comes as no surprise to residents, the numbers of these reports have increased dramatically over the past month. Be cautious when traveling outside the city everyone.
TASK TO RETURN TO TWISTED
Our demon in charge, Señor Diablo, has started plans to revitalize TASK as a police force for Twisted. Previous TASK was tasked with monitoring the portals of connected worlds and trying to prevent cross-world contamination. In a statement released earlier this week by Gegoshi a new method of 'moving' portals has been used to create a tower from which TASK can carry out both sets of duties without one interfering with the other. It is not known yet if previous members of TASK will be welcomed back under the new regime but many are already calling for the reinstatement of Satyrn who hasn't been seen since Diablo closed the doors on the original organization.
MEDICAL MACHINA RUNNING MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS? MAYBE!
Article By: Trilby Trang
Medical Machina has come under fire for refusing to answer why it has opened its doors to disorientated time-travellers free of charge, despite stong public demand for their agenda to be revealed.
Over the last few weeks addled humans and non-humans have begun to appear without warning in Twisted City, most with no idea of how they got there or where they came from.
However, almost as if expecting this event, Medical Machina instantly opened their doors at the Integra Arms Apartments - offering free lodging to these troubled time-travellers.
Suspiciously the same courtesy has not been offered to natives of Twisted City - the free lodgings only offered to those of a confirmed otherworldly background.
"Medical Machina has authorised Integra's Arms LLC to offer housing to the refugees of time or space who have been displaced on or have arrived on Twisted," Medical Machina spokesperson Debbie said to the Twisted Times.
"Medical Mechanica cares about the life of Twisted's citizens. Medical Mechanica understands the needs of those new comers who arrive in our little town."
However when asked about why a medically financed cooporation has so much interest in the new arrivals, Medical Machina simply repeated its statement.
"Medical Machina claims ownership over this (the Integra Arms) and most of the buildings in Twisted... we're been given the run around! What are they up to?" A concerned citizen, Senor Diablo, told the Twisted Gazette. "Who in the hell *is* Medical Machina? This whole thing doesn't feel quite right."
The Twisted Gazette warns any newcomers to be careful to read all paperwork and forms before signing up for free accomodation at the Integra Arms, or else you might find yourself tied to a chair and undergoing electroshock therapy.
Twisted Gazette - always giving you the information scoop, double serves in a waffle cone of justice!
VAMPIRES OR KILLER LEACHES?!?
Posted Date: December 7th, 2010
This morning the body of 18 year old Elizabeth Takahasi was found in an open grave at the Peaceful Glade Cemetary having been drained of it's blood. The homeless woman was last seen near Nowhereto Park last night by a Miss Yoiko HIbiki. At the time of printing, Miss Hibiki was unavailable for comment.
TWISTED CITY WARZONE!
Article By: Trilby Trang
Twisted Residents are no longer safe in their last bastion of civilised life, as Twisted City has become a warzone this week, devastated in a series of horrific sweep attacks.
Twisted City, while designated ruins by the Council, is the home to thousands of citizens who seek out to live out their daily lives. It also had, until recently, a thriving shopping district.
But two days ago a massive water serpent rose in the centre of the city, destroying dozens of structures and flooding hundreds of street blocks.
The water serpent was eventually thwarted by a group of several vigilantes, from furred creatures to teenage girls, who fought to keep the situation under control.
However, the city was attacked by a skull-faced man named "Skeletor" and his panther only a day after, causing serious injuries to a handful of different vigilantes.
They were able to thwart his rampage. However, several buildings were damaged and two collapsed due to the skeleton man's assault.
This comes at a time when hordes of zombies, vampires, demons and other nightmarish creatures are tearing up Twisted's streets.
Both incidents in Twisted City lasted up to a hour with no response from either TASK or Twisted's Council, much to the confusion of those involved.
Vigilantes on scene were overheard voicing disgust over both bodies lack of inaction on the recent chaos to lash Twisted's citizens.
Individuals who showed up on scene were uncoordinated, and were seen frequently arguing amongst each other while trying to coordinate their efforts.
"Wh-What kind of horrible name (for an attack) is that? ... silence your inane attack names, woman!" One black hedgehog was seen yelling at an individual only known as "Sailor Moon".
"I can't, it's tied to vocal commands!.. Starlight-Honeymoon-Therapy-Kiss!"
While heroism was witnessed on the day, individuals are beginning to ask if the incident should have occured at all.
"I don't believe the incident could have been resolved with a shotgun, no matter what that journalist (Twisted Life News Glen Slin) says," a Twisted City resident and chef, Akito Tenkawa said to the Twisted Gazette.
"They're not going to get me to fight as a vigilante, damn it! I'm just a cook!"
CHAOS RULING TWISTED'S STREETS!
Article By: Trilby Trang
Terror is gripping the hearts of Twisted's already troubled citizens, as new horrors are now stalking its once stagnant streets.
What was once a rare occurance is now becoming more than commonplace. Zombies, vampires, demons and half-demons, black feathered angels, gargoyles, dastartly elves and humans are now plaguing the lives of the innocent.
Hundreds of sightings of these creatures have been reported across not only the Twisted City ruins, but also along the various streets from Another to Atrophic way.
Twisted's already abysmally high injury and mortality rates have tripled over the last month, with no relief forthcoming from either TASK or Twisted's Council.
Both organisations refused to respond to calls from the Twisted Times regarding the chaos now plaguing the streets.
The chaos comes during a time when citizens are begging for intervention and the formation of a crime fighting force to deal with the issue. Twisted Resident and father Genma Saotome said it was "absolutely ridiculous" that TASK and the Council allegedly cared more about residents not even aware of Twisted more than residents like himself.
"Me an' my boy are tryin' to carve out an honest day's living here without getting harrased by zombies and nutjobs, we had enough of that back home!" Mr Saotome said.
"Now we've got to fight every day, and that just isn't what the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is all about! It's about honest living and integrity, and we can't do that right now.
"Because of these wackjobs harrassing us everyday citizens at every turn, I've been forced to steal- for my very survival- meals from others like me!
"Now this TASK or Council or whatever better give us compensation for our suffering, or I'm going to write a formal complaint!"
Twisted's Council is currently at conflict with Hell's Council after a mysterious gate to Twisted's underworld was discovered several months ago.
The inter-council conflict followed rumors of its numbers being decimated by unknown assailants.
Rumors also persist that a mysterious message travelling around Twisted is the source of the street's recent sufferings.
Is this is a concentrated and organised outbreak, another ploy of Hell's council or simply a coincidental surge of dastardly arrivals to Twisted's streets?
HEIST AT THE MUSEUM!
Posted Date: January 17th, 2009
An article appears in the Twisted Gazette, a local paper produced with low-quality materials from a small office in the 'stable' city ruins, on the morning of January the 17th, 2009...
Yesterday, the Museum of Trans-Dimensional Artefacts was victim to a heist as three as-yet unidentified criminals wearing outlandish costumes entered the establishment alongside ordinary civilians - many costumed themselves in celebration of a special 'heroes and villains' exhibit.
Several floors of the museum were torn open in the battle that ensued, but relatively little was actually stolen. Two costumes have been catalogued as missing, along with several priceless pieces of jewellry. Two wardens, Robert McCluskin (41) and Harold Byrnes (32), were killed in this heinous attack. Several others were found in various states of injury, resulting from blunt impacts to the head and body.
Only one citizen was caught in the uproar, and was apprehended leaving the building in a state of shock and confusion. Miss Selina Kyle (29), has told the Gazette that all three criminals involved seemed quite powerful and are almost certainly insane. This deliberate threat to innocent lives begs the question, do the migrant people of Twisted need to be protected by a police force?
SUPPLEMENTAL: A Mysterious Flyer
Posted Date: December 19th, 2008
A flier is being carried around on Twisted Street's fickle winds. When picked up, words reveal for only those with evil intent.
OOC: Page #mail Datenshi to set up RP or discuss joining the Wraithshadows.