Freakazoid

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FREAKAZOID!
Full Name: FREAKAZOID!

Series: FREAKAZOID!
Class: Of course!
Threat Level: City Smasher
Alignment: I'm the wind, baby...
Gender: MALE!
Species: Was ok, I guess...
Age: Yes, we all do.
Birthdate: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY??
Height: Tall.
Weight: Heavy.

Short Description: Super-teen extraordinaire, Freakazoid! Freakazoid! Runs around in underwear, Freakazoid! Freakazoid!

FREAKAZOID!
You see before you a tall blue man in a full body red spandex suit. His hands are protected by white gloves which softens hands when you do dishes, and his feet are nestled warmly in a bed of white boots. His black hair, standing on end, has two long lightning bolts going up the sides as if styled by the Bride of Frankenstien herself. Some believe that's exactly the case. See, Larry down in accounting, he went one day to a local radio store where Dr Tran was giving out HOT DICKINGS. There he met with Jhonna who was there with her friend Sally. Well, Sally told Larry that at the groccery store on the other side of town Joe, Walter, Eddie Brock, and Steven where buying lightbulbs and THEY said that Mickey Mouse was really BROWN and now BLACK. But that's another story.

Once, many years ago, a group of tibetan monks brought forth the Ancient Aztec God of BITCH SMACKING who bestowed upon the mighty well built chest of the famous superhero FREAKAZOID the insignia of a giant F and an exclimation mark. That's right, F! And that's not a nifty way to hide a dirty word! It's secretly the brain wave patterns of a special secret agent with a PHD in KICKING YOUR ASS remade into a holographic porn star tattoo, translated into hebrew, and then printed onto the side of a milk carton in Florida where it was painted onto the back of a choclate bunny, sent to the makeup department, and then stitched into the MIGHTY RED TIGHTS OF DOOM! Well, not really Doom. More like Pony extract...

Here's a warning. YES A W-A-R-N-I-N-G to players who encounter this MIGHTY UNSTOPABLE FORCE OF UNSTOPABLE MIGHTINESS!! He has burried in that nugget covered brain of his the entire wealth of the Internet's knowledge. That means everything from YouTube videos, Wikipedia entries, and advertisements for PORN!! After all... the Internet is for Porn.

PREPARE FOR THE HONOR! PREPARE FOR THE DUTY! PREPARE FOR.... Peanut-buttah jelly time! Peanut-butta jelly time! PEANUT BUTTA JELLY! PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY! PEANUT BUTTAH JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT! All your base are belong to badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!!!

FREAKAZOID!
What is there to say about me I haven't said before? I'm TALL, HANDSOME, I can make a MEAN Banana-Yogurt-Souffle-Surprise! I've been known to run really really fast. Like super fast. Like a really fast man, right? I used to have this fantastic show on the WB, even Stephen Spielberg liked it! Just ask him! I was totally his favorite, y'know? Not like those OTHER guys. I mean everything I touch is like gold! Look at the guys who where in charge of the show! Bruce Timm and Paul Dini? You can't go wrong with them!

Of course I ended up selling them to that Bruce Wayne guy out in Metropolis because he was getting tired of his wacky Adam West image from the 60's. I happened to like the old show. It was great! MEANWHILE AT THE BATCAVE!!! STATELY WAYNE MANOR! ATOMIC BATTERIES TO POWER! TURBINES TO SPEED!

GREAT SCOTT! I just realized that I didn't say ANYTHING about the Freakalair or the Freakmobile. Do I have enough time for that? Wait, wait... no come back! I'LL READ YOU A POEM!!

...awww, nutbunnies.

IT'S AN INSTRUMENTAL! SING ALONG KIDS!!!

Super-teen extraordinaire
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Runs around in underwear
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!

"@[=g3,8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk%fg"
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Unless something better's on TV
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!

His brain's overloading
It has a chocolate coating
Textbook case for Sigmund Freud
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!

Check out Dexter Douglas
Nerd computer ace
Went surfing on the internet
And was zapped to cyberspace
He turned into the Freakazoid
He's strong and super-quick
He drives the villains crazy
'Cause he's a lunatic

His home base is the Freakalair
Freakazoid! Fricassee!
Floyd the Barber cuts his hair
Freakazoid! Chimpanzee!
Rides around in the Freakmobile
Freakazoid! Freakazoo!
Hopes to make a movie deal
Freaka me! Freaka you!

He's here to save the nation
So stay tuned to this station
If not, we'll be unemployed
Freakazoid! Freakazoid!
Freakazoid!!!



Background

Subject 18675309
Alias: Freakazoid

How this so-called "Freakazoid" came to Twisted is something that requires further research. What is currently known is that he arrived on Twisted talking about discovering it on the internet. He says that we're all part of an online computer game known as TwistedMUCK. To back this up he's fond of creating (or pulling to Twisted) manifestations of various internet icons which usually appear for a one or two line gag before throwing them out. He's also fond of referring to conversations that are apparently only heard in his own head and responding to them as though they where real. (He refers to these conversations as "OOC chat") Possibly just an internet-obsessed illusionist with above human average strength and speed. His incredibly realistic illusions will sometimes affect people and places making them seem like a scene from a film complete with background music and elaborate lighting. APPROACH WITH EXTREME CAUTION.

Before being forced to shut down monitoring equipment a recording was made of this Freakazoid engaging with Oblivion, a similarly minded denizen of Twisted. While the two appear to be friends they tend to refer to one another as arch-rivals. Perhaps this can be used to our advantage.

~ Albert Wesker
END RECORDING

Notes


DC Animated Universe
Characters Batman  •  Candlejack  •  Harley Quinn  •  Joker  •  Poison Ivy  •  Starfire
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