Series: Tank Girl
Class: None whatsoever!
Threat Level: Block Buster
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Birthdate: August 4th
Height: As a kite!
Weight: 66125lbs (29994kg)
Short Description: A former mercenary in the employ of the Australian military, Tank Girl is a bounty hunter, fugitive, and party animal par excellence. With an illustrious gift for violence, she's carved her way through the unlikely an
nals of history and now arrives in Twisted City with a bad attitude and a worse hangover. She's not the worst person ever, but there have been a few who'd beg to differ... and she's more inclined to have a good time than an opinion.
Weapons Aptitude - Yes. All of them. Don't ask why. Really. She'll have to kill you.
Tanks - Not just able to pilot this particular vehicle, TG also apparently shares some elements of her biology with it. Their kinship is a burning flame, their forbidden love resonating throughout the ages... what we're trying to say is, she's really bloody good when it comes to tanks. And unlike most soldiers, she's not compensating for anything.
Durability - There's a reason Tank Girl hasn't been buried in a tank-shaped coffin and dropped in the ocean. She's very, very hard to cause any actual damage to. Though constantly in situations that should leave her mangled, she just seems to keep on ticking - finding just the right bit of leverage, a weapon perfectly suiting the situation, or simply barrelling through on sheer stubbornness and blind luck. Perhaps it's the booze or the smokes that do it, but every time Rebecca ought to snuff it she comes back with a cocksure smirk and a hunger to get drunk, laid, or both.
Brain the Size of a Planet - It's approximately the size of Pluto.
A popular legend amongst the aboriginals of the Australian Outback tells of an avenging angel named Tanicha - the Spirit of Life and Youth and Wisdom. When the white man came to enslave the indigenous population, he was haunted and brutally-slaughtered by Tanicha, who capped off her violent retribution by giving birth to her new avatar from the stomach of their overweight leader.
This avatar may just be Rebecca Buck. Or it could be a load of skanky horse diarrhoea.
The woman later to be known as 'Tank Girl' certainly remembers a few things about her childhood, like her collection of novelty pencil sharpeners later enshrined for eternity in the National Museum of Modern Pencil Sharpeners, Sydney. Her first words were "cauliflower" and "penis", in that order. For her fifteenth birthday she received, from her mother, a sentient stuffed koala called Camp Koala (R.I.P.) and was taken to a fortune teller where she was told her name means 'The Rule Breaker' and she would break all the established laws of life. This makes an unhealthy amount of sense.
In any case, she certainly 'grew up' in Australia, getting to know later co-conspirators Jet Girl and Sub Girl as a teenager. For no particular reason she fails to remember the two girls' actual names, though she only picked up her own moniker when she was given her trademark heavy assault vehicle.
As a mercenary in the employ of the Aussie military, Rebecca was tasked with committing violent acts in the name of the Man. Despite this dream gig, she worked on the side as a bounty hunter apprehending often less-violent criminals and occasionally having wild sex with them. Tragedy came (hard) when she murdered a high-ranking officer and failed to deliver an urgent supply of colostomy bags to Australia's incontinent head of state, President Hogan. This caused a national outcry, and Tank Girl was branded an outlaw - and bestowed with a multi-million dollar bounty. Woe betode (?!) those who tried to claim it, and she'd off numerous fortune hunters as she sleazed her way through the Outback. She also managed to witness the Second Coming of Christ, which was nice.
After devastating her former superior officer Sergeant Small Unit's Nightmare Squad (thanks to her developing gigantic breasts at just the right moment), Tank Girl went on to meet 'love of her life' (she's probably forgotten him already) and 'mutant kangaroo' (wait, that part's real!) Booga and shag his bonce off before accidentally procuring God's Dressing Gown. After fashioning it into a makeshift boob-tube to cover her (lack of) shame, Rebecca was accosted by none other than Satan himself. After shooting the dissenting angel on her right shoulder, she donated the holy relic to the fallen angel in return for three wishes. Making these was one of the hardest things she's ever done, which means it took approximately 0.2 seconds of thought for each spectacular wish.
Wish 1: An appearance as a guest on the Dame Edna Show.
Wish 2: That God's Dressing Gown turn anyone who wears it into a right Jimmy Saville.
Wish 3: A shitload of lager.
With the Devil now running charity marathons, Tank Girl proceeded to get absolutely and completely trashed. Which is approximately when things started to go downhill. The following things occurred, probably in this order though she was QUITE drunk and can't be sure:
- TG accrues a small fortune coaching her marsupial boyfriend to lose at boxing.
- Camp Koala is slaughtered in untimely fashion during a freak baseball accident.
- An evil corporation replaces all the lager in Australia with Spunk.
- Earth is destroyed by a meteor.
- TG gives birth to a baby tank after a one night stand with... well, her tank, obviously.
- Some asshole makes a horrible biopic all about her life and times.
- Homer writes 'The Odyssey', in which Tank Girl travels the ancient kingdom in order to return home, and save her beautiful wife from a bevy of unsuitable suitors.
...or did that last one really happen? Screw this writing nonsense. It's beer time. Nothing can ever go wrong with beer! It's not as though our heroine is going to get Abo-girl trashed and wake up in a crashed tank in a strange dimension without any clothes on...