After getting past the martial-arts bouncers the first thing you're confronted with is the sheer number of lights around, shining down on the stage and flickering around the many tables surrounding it. There's poles everywhere with the dancers for the evening, personal service and even meals the size of banquets (But who eats, really? Oh- The Ranma cast!). Only place that isn't heavily lighted is the mahogany bar stretching out where there are stools and waiters, female of course, serving customers. In one part of the room there's a big golden statue of an elderly man, looking quite compact, with balding head and a gi on. Seems to be holding a giant sack of something over his shoulder that's crafted to be empty with a sign stating 'Tips!' on it. There's doors to other rooms, probably for private shows, bathrooms, changing and manager room upstairs and such.
The door crashes inwards, accepting the silhouette of a massive frame barely able to squeeze an entry into the room. "Fuck! FUCK. FUCK!" Sweat rolls down the thick, greasy skin of the Zukahnaut, stinging his eyes and matting his beard and what's left of his hair. Collapsing at the bar, he gasps "Cold! Something cold, you peacock-coated parrot-blower!"
Devi is found leaning back on the mahogany (heh) bar, one small drink being swirled slightly as she watches the few people that filter in and out of the Bar. Taking the last of her drink in, she slams the glass upside down towards the Barkeep, wiggling her finger in motion for another one.... "Zukah." She shakes her head and grins. Same as he was before. "Welcome to.. the bar."
Of course, leave it to Caliga to come waltzing out of one of the private rooms with a girl on each arm, both of which seem to be rather enamoured with the former Dai Kaioshin. Of course, that is until the girls see Zukah. They both frown slightly, only to glance pathetically at Caliga. "You mean... that.. thing.. is.. It better be a great tipper.."
Devi glances over at Caliga. Oh great, no good to come of everyone being here. "Hookers." Devi sighs softly, turning around to grab her refilled cup, sipping it slowly. "Hey Caliga, 1000 wives not enough for ya?"
Zukah grins broadly, dousing the fire under his skin with an ice-cold pint that sends shivers of ecstasy throughout his entire sweat-soaked bulk. "Hullo, darlin'," he says amiably to Devi, not recognizing her, and turns his attention to Caliga (for about half a heartbeat, quickly becoming distracted by his arm candy). Devi affirms his suspicions. "HOOKERS!" he roars, flashing a two-fingered salute straight up in the air for no apparent reason. "Hey girlies, why don'tcha ditch the eel and come swim with the dolphin!"
Caliga merely slips away from the poor girls, leaving them to cringe slightly as they make a beeline directly towards Zukah. This of course gives Caliga the chance to saunter directly up to Devi. "More like I'm doing our jolly green giant a favor." He looks directly at the barkeep, only to speak in a rather hushed voice, "My green friend over there says he wants to give a round to everyone. On him."
Devi tilts her glass towards Zukah in greeting. "Still not your Darlin. Hi Zukah." She eyes Caliga and her eyes widen in sarcasm. "Oh, the smelly guy can't get a chick? Naw... Then again everyone loves Old Guys." She wiggles an eyebrow and shakes her head. "Is he going to start screamin about Hookers again? Because last time it kinda freaked me out..."
Zukah reaches out both arms to encircle the girls, one in each swampy armpit. "So how's it hangin', lassies? I'm slightly to the left myself, but I hope neither of you hangs in quite the way I mean when I say that. By which I'm askin' you if you're a dude. Or ever have been. Strap-ons don't count, but none of that in Bulkster's Playland, please." He continues chatting comfortably along these same unstable lines, completely oblivious to any discomfort they may be exhibiting. "Gotta say though, you picked you a winner, yessiree. That guy in the red coat's all talk. What did he tell you about me? It's all damned lies. I'm a national hero. You've never heard of the nation, but..."
"Pssh. More like I'm giving him an incentive." Caliga suddenly calls out to the hulking green Makyo-jin, only to have a rather mischivious grin cross his face. "So, Zukah. Finest brew you've tasted, all the arm candy a man of stature like yourself can handle.. And just think, if you manage to win the tournament.. Just think how popular you're going to be with /all/ the ladies of Twisted. Not only do you have brews from an entire multiverse.. You have all the pretty ladies from the multiverse... Of course, they'll flock to you by the dozens when they see just how ripped you are.. Especially with cuties like Devi here... but remember, she belongs to Cale. Everyone else though is fair game."
Devi slings an empty glass at Caliga's head. "I belong to no one." She sips her drink,adding on "And don't call me 'cutie'" before looking at Zukah. "And you do not want all the Ladies of Twisted, unless you have gotten your rabies shot."
Zukah flushes, his face darkening to a splotchy forest green. "Well," he stammers, "I'd hardly call it big enough to be called an 'arm,' but ah... Damnit, don't get the girls' hopes up. Oh wait, I suppose if we're talkin' midgets or leprechauns, yeah, it'd be about the size of a limb, maybe an appendage too, but..." He clears his throat and orders another pint, and "two fruity martinies or whateverthehell" for the ladies.
"Shh. You're going to see one of the greatest sights ever." Caliga merely tilts his head to the side allowing the glass to sail neatly pass. Of course, as this is said, two hands suddenly come up and strike the poor Zukahnaut right in the face. Both of the girls suddenly storm off, their noses upturned. "That kiddo, is a sight one never gets tired of seeing. Of course, if the Flabmaster 5,000 were to want some help in becoming the Bulkster once again.. I'm sure you could help him ease himself into it.."
Devi says, "I could, but why would I?" Oh wait, yeah, she's addicted to a good fight and maybe even to getting her face bashed in. Shh. "With you and Kaldrath around, I'm nothing short of a fruit fly with a bad attitude.." She grimices as she says it though.
Zukah roars, "WHORES! Filthy hookers! Go hide in the trees naked with your harpoons and go back to fucking polititians and hollowing out their skins in your unholy attempts to assume their identities and take over the world, SLUTS!" Enraged, he picks up his barstool and wraps it around one of the stripper poles on the opposite of the room with a spinning hurl. "Caliga!" He spins to the dark-haired prettyboy. "Conjure me up some blonde co-eds!"
"Because if you do, I'll make sure that all of your pretty boxers don't end up in the possession of Happosai." Caliga smiles sweetly at Devi, only to have a halo appear above his head. "Unless.. You want Chibi-Catboy Caliga to make his grand re-appearance..." Of course, as Zukah makes his demands, Caliga suddenly salutes, causing two scantily clad blondes with abnormaly large breasts to appear, both of which suddenly exclaim in unison, "WE JUST LOVE PRE-MARITAL SEX! *GIGGLE*"
Devi growls lowly at Caliga. "You leave my undergarments outta this and if Chibi Caliga comes out, you can count me out. I don't care if I have to go off world, Goddamnit it I will. Aside from all that, why do you even think that I'd be able to help the Jolly Drunk Giant here?"
His tongue lolling out of his mouth, Zukah moves to grab at the girls (and not their arms).
Devi tsks. "Disgusting."
Caliga says, "Because, right now, you're technically as strong as he once was." Caliga merely watches as the blondes nimbly dodge the Makyo-jin's grasping paws, just staying ever so slightly out of his reach. "And, you're the only other one I know besides myself whose capable of ever so realistic illusions, that can make the most depraved souls rush after them."
Devi says, "What's it in for me, and will he agree to it?" She turns away from the drooling Zukahnaut, her eyebrows rising.
Caliga says, "Endless hours of entertainment with him trying to grasp fake tits, with out him ever realizing he's running about and getting in shape? I'm rather sure he'll never know the difference."
Zukah seems not in the least disconcerted over the evasive, lithe movements of his jiggling playmates. He continues grasping, moving from his enchanted slow-motion reflexes upwards into playful swipes, into spirited snatches. He begins to chase them, filthy words of beckoning trailing behind him.
Devi turns back around to stare. "You expect me to create illusions that appeal to his drunk and horny side to get him in shape? That's all? That's it? Really?" A small door opens above Zukah with a side table of Mahogany falling towards his head. "Really? Uh, no. I've got better things to do with my time. Like actually training."
"You could always put on a bathing suit and have him chase /you/ about. Eventually he'd get to the point where he could catch up to you in 400x gravity, and then, well... you'd be able to start pounding his skull in. Which will make him serious. Think of it like training with Kaldrath again. Only, having your face not AS smashed after he finally punts you." Caliga scratches his chin slightly, only to nod. "I'll also throw in another set of crystals. Finest ones yet. They even slice and dice."
Glancing when he finds himself engulfed in a sudden shadow, Zukah's eyes widen in stark terror as he sees the dark wood advancing towards him at great speed. "OH MY SWEET CHEESY BRIEFS! IT'S MELCHIOR SEVEN ALL OVER AGAIN!" Swept away into a flashback from a half century ago, he raises a massive sword (that isn't really in his hand) and starts shouting orders to invisible soldiers. The table crashes on top of his head. "MEDIC! Where the FUCK was my ice shield! MAGE!" More shouts split the air as he screams about how lucky they were that the 'native' hadn't used its flame breath.
Caliga says, "...Make it two sets."
Hmm, crystals. She idly fingers the one around her neck, yellow and glinting in the soft light of the bar. They have been very very helpful so far. She grins at Zukah, then at Caliga. "Deal. So long as he doesn't go all old man Flashback and smears my ass across the wall." She finishes her drink slamming it down as she did the one before it. "But you gotta get him to say yes to it all. My approch would be a lot less tricky..." Yeah, walking up and punching someone in the face in greeting isn't really that diplomatic.
A rather disturbing grin crosses Caliga's face as the playmate bimbos suddenly vanish. "OI! Zukah. 'Daika it up for the lil' lady here. Give her a real idea of what your body is. And after that, you can come with me back to my garden so I can whip your ass back into shape... Unless you want to go train with Devi-kins here.. What'dya say?"
Zukah says, "Oh, that's Debbie?" He narrows his eyes. "I ain't going back to your damn garden. And I don't need to train with you or the purple broad. I can do just fine on my own. OH." Snarling, he focuses the power of the rock buried inside of his torso, swiftly (though with visible signs of pain) climbing to his Kyodaika form, 3x his normal size of 8ft tall, 1100lbs. "AND I TRIED THAT GYM, YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" he thunders, his already boisterous voice bolstered even more. "I ALMOST HAD A STROKE!."
Devi chucks the glass next to her at his face, drops a dinner table above him and glares. "I'm not a fuckin' broad! Stupid ass!" She turns back to Caliga. "It's fine. I'll just hand him his ass on a silver platter come Fight time."
"See... I've already decided.. and you remember what happens when I decide, don't you? Remember the volcano Zukah? Then that year you spent with nothing but Vash and Kaldrath to keep you company? I'm giving you the chance to train with me once again! Or you can train with a cute girl whose already completed all of Vash's training. You're not afraid, are 'ya?" Caliga suddenly appears right infront of Zukah, staring directly into his eyes, only to sigh loudly and shake his head. "Zukah, I'm going to ask 'ya once, please train with Devi. She needs someone new to train with, or else she'll slack off. Plus, you and I both know if left to your own devices, you'll slack off even more. Zukah, you need this. Trust me. I've already broken far to many rules to give you that prize you just used, and you know what trouble I got in for it. Even Seroni knew the trouble I got in. So, please say yes, all right?"
Zukah rumbles, "I USED TO LIVE ON THE SURFACE OF A STAR. Do you people ever remember that or realize what it means? The Makyo Star was a red fucking dwarf, and my entire race was born and bred on it. Sure, I left, and the further away I got the less strength I got from it, but I'm sick of being treated like a fat slob from New Jersey!" He brushes away the remnants of the mahogany desk that crashed on his head during his rant, having barely felt it in his irritation. "Why the hell does furniture keep falling out of the roof?" At the mention of Seroni though, and the idea that Caliga got himself in trouble in order to restore to him a piece of his much-missed home, Zukah faulters. "You people never did understand just what it was I was trying to do with my life," he mutters weakly. "I'm doin' this for fun, awright? Stop hassling me, or it gets to be a drag and I'll lose interest and either walk away or try to destroy everything in sight."
Devi says, "Honestly enough, I don't care either way. So long as I stop getting called a 'broad'." She rolls her eyes at the word and continues watching.
"I broke /every/ rule there was in order to ensure you were fairly compensated for coming to the aid of a world that wasn't even yours. I broke every rule for Vash, I broke every rule for Kaldrath, and then I was killed by my own son, and I know you remember /that/ one. I know you remember Cian, and how I had to stand against him. So don't you dare try to pull the 'You don't even understand' card Zukah. You know damn well the shit I've done to ensure that the realm of the living was given a fighting chance, when the other 'gods' we busy trying to figure out a way of fucking you over. If anyone understands, its me. The only thing you're trying to do is destroy yourself, because you know that you're a warrior, whose lost in the times. What you don't understand is that I was stripped of my title of Dai Kaioshin for interfereing as much as I did, and you know what?" Caliga suddenly backs away and glances at Devi, "She can tell you just as much that there's always a method to my madness, even if its fucked. You and I both know you'd enjoy the chance to actually /fight/ the very two men you trained with, and to be able to impart some of your vast knowledge upon my son's sole pupil? I'm giving you a chance to do something you enjoyed doing long ago, Zukah of Makyo-sei." Caliga says, "'Sides, you'd be able to catch her off guard, and sneak in free gropes."
Zukah is uncharacteristically silent. One can almost see the gears churning in his head, rusted though they may be. His faintly glowing golden eyes (without pupil or isis in kyodaika form) go to Devi, to Caliga, to his own hands. He flexes his black talons, tendons and bones almost audibly creaking ike old leather. "I've forgotten a lot, Caliga. A lot. And a ton of what I do remember has no context in my head, just comes to me in flashes of memory or moments of instinct. I can't teach her much. But if she wants to hone her reflexes, run through a few brawls, I'll take it easy on her until I know what she can do."
Devi slaps her thighs and stands up. "As much as I'd love to sit around this perverbial campfire telling War Stories, I've got stuff to do." She glares at Caliga for his last comment, debating on if she wants to kick him for it or not, before deciding towards the latter. She tilts a cowboy hat that appears on her head to the guys and heads out the doors. "Ya'll have a wonderful day. Caliga knows where to find me."
"Don't take it easy on her. Trust me on that one. She'll put your dangly bits into places they were never meant to if you give her the chance. It'd be like reverse puberty. Cale's found that out the hard way numerous times." Caliga grins slightly before reaching into his pocket. "There's one thing I was saving for you, for when 'ya decided to start tryin' again." He pulls out a card and holds it towards the hulking mass of a man. "This guy has all the things you'll ever need for the greatest panty raids in the universe. The things he can teach 'ya."
Zukah says, "Hold on." Closing his eyes, he exhales slowly, winces, and begins to compact his body's cells once again. After much snapping, cracking and sickening wet sounds he's at his original size again and clutching the remains of his clothing around him. "I can't read print that tiny at that size," he explains, opening his eyes again (now with pupils once again). His talons receded with the change, he accepts the card and peers at it with interest.
"He's actually the owner of this fine establishment. He's just not allowed to enter it because he keeps stealing the poor dancers clothing." Caliga grins slightly before he glances at the door. "His name is Happosai. You'd like him. He's about the size of Wee-Man, but, well, far more nimble." He grins slightly before making his way towards the door. "However, I'm going to leave you to think things over. If you need help rememberin', I'm here to assist 'ya. Besides, maybe you'd want to go visit my garden sometime. I do have nearly a thousand beautiful and exotic women sitting up there, desperately awaiting my return..."
Binding his clothing back to snugly fit his body with a mess of gray bungee cords from his pockets, Zukah grunts a farewell as he seeks out a stool not crushed or pushed away by the kyodaika change. "Why are motherfuckers always telling me to do that indoors...?" he mutters to himself as he calls for another beer (and reacting with stunned rage when he's informed that he's already bought the entire bar a round of drinks). Looks like he's doing the dishes for the Happy Eight today...