Summary: Adam tells Shiro what he's facing in dealing with his eye. Also they both acknowledge that their situation is weird, and awkward for both of them... but it works for now.
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The information contained within this log is to be considered information gained Out of Character (OOC).
This information may not be used as In Character (IC) knowledge or in roleplay unless it has been learned in-game or permission has been granted by the parties involved.
Questions should be directed to staff.
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Adam didn't want to break the news to Shiro over dinner. He didn't want to spoil anyone's appetite. And he really didn't know how bad Shiro would take the news. For his part, Adam made pleasant enough conversation -- though he still insisted on sitting to either side of Shiro and not opposite him. Sitting opposite each other was too intimate for him.
That said, Adam is finding that it's not as difficult to converse with Shiro as Adam thought it would be after their breakup. They were still friends, and that was the important thing. Of course that didn't mean he wasn't still at least a little awkward about it most of the time.
However, Shiro would probably have been able to tell that something was off this evening. Well, more 'off' than Adam's usual awkwardness. Something's bothering him, that much is clear. But during dinner, he isn't going to talk about it. "I'll tell you later," he promises. "It needs to be said anyway, I just don't want to talk about it now."
Shiro would nod, however once he's finished eating and they finish up the dishes, he'd tilt his head some. "Well, just let me know when you're ready..." he states as he takes a seat in the living area.
Adam replies, "Thank you. I appreciate it." He's... kind of grim. Just a little. Anyway, once Adam's got the kitchen cleaned up -- he's never going to leave a mess in the kitchen, even if the mess was the direct result of cleaning up -- he goes out into the living room and takes a seat as well.
He's kind of weird with his abritrary 'restrictions' on where he sits. If Shiro's sitting in the middle of the couch, he sits in a chair. If Shiro's sitting on one end of the couch, Adam will sit at the opposite end. If Shiro is in a chair, Adam usually makes for the end of the couch furthest away from the chair Shiro's sitting in.
Hey, I said it was weird, didn't I?
Anyway, wherever he ends up sitting, he takes a moment to retrieve the paperwork that the doctor gave him... and the eyepatch, still shrinkwrapped. He hasn't opened it yet; he's going to start the eye drops the next day.
Adam is silent for a moment, and sighs. "I guess this is a pretty big indicator of what I'm going to say," he observes, picking up the eyepatch and looking at it. Though he's quick to assure, "It's not... all just as bad as it could be. But it's not really 'good'."
He pauses a moment, before continuing, "Doctor Rebane said that there isn't a lot of time left before the vision in my left eye starts to deteriorate. He gave it about a month before the deterioration is too much, I think. That said, /without/ surgery, I'm definitely going to lose the vision in that eye. Possibly the entire eye itself. But the surgery isn't going to completely restore the sight in that eye, and my vision is still going to eventually start to deteriorate after it. At best the surgery is just delaying the inevitable -- though I think having corrective surgery to stave off the deterioration will give me the best chance of keeping /some/ vision in that eye, even if it's much less than it is now."
He stops there... because that's a lot to take in. Even for him.
Shiro frowns and nods. "I'm sorry you're having to go through this," he states, "Is there anything I can do to help you through the process?"
"That's why I wanted to talk to you about it," Adam replies. "I do have a handful of options. The surgery seems like the best for right now. The doctor also gave me the option of just having it removed entirely, but I don't think I want to do that just yet."
And there's another pause, and Adam seems to be fighting a bit of a disgusted look. "He also, rather reluctantly, offered me the option of having a transplant. I don't think I need to go into why I don't want to do that..." Corpse parts or someone would have to give up an eye for him. Neither is palatable!
"But, he also mentioned that I might eventually be a candidate for a prosthetic eye," Adam offers. First bit of good news so far! "I think they're still ironing things out with them, but he did bring it up."
Takashi Shirogane continues to frown at that. "...hrmm, yeah, nothing sounds very pleasant for you," Shiro states, "But I'll stand by which ever option you decide you're more comfortable taking."
Adam seems to relax at this. "Thank you." It might have been silly to think, given SHIRO DOESN'T ABANDON PEOPLE, but Adam had indeed been afraid that this all would have been too much for Shiro. He takes a breath then, and notes, "For now, I think the surgery is the better idea. Doctor Rebane also mentioned correcting the vision in my right eye, so that I won't have a nearsighted eye doing all the work."
He picks up the eyepatch again. "And since I'll have to be wearing this on a fairly regular basis," he adds, "I'd rather not have to wear this /and/ a pair of glasses."
"That sounds like a good idea, yes," Shiro agrees, "I don't wear glasses much, but it seems like trying to do glasses and an eyepatch would get uncomfortable and difficult." He peers over at Adam and tilts his head slightly. "Though, I have to admit, for all the bad the situation's caused, I kind of like this new look," he states, "If you're looking for opinions there, and you want to get anything that looks like normal in time, I think you'd be ok to stick to this look or your old one."
Adam nods. "It's not a vanity concern," he assures. "Eyepatches and glasses just don't work together mechanically." Though he chuckles at Shiro's opinion of his 'new look', feeling... well, absurdly pleased that Shiro actually seems to like it. Of course, then he has to mentally chastise himself, ('Don't get so... so wound up about it, stupid. You're not his anymore, and he's not yours.')
Still though, he can't help but reach up and touch the burnmark on his face, under his eye, a little sheepishly. "Well... I wasn't going to bother with anything cosmetic," he admits. "When all's said and done, this isn't hurting anything -- the helmet kept the burns on my face from being too serious. I'm more concerned with my arms and legs healing." And his ribs too, but those didn't get burned, so...
"Having different colored eyes is always such an interesting trait as well," Shiro adds, "I'm not certain why that is...but the scarring, it looks kind of cool." He grins a little, but looks as if he feels what he just said might be a little awkward. "Really though, if you need anything as part of the process, let me know."
Adam smirks at the mention of the scarring being 'cool'. "I don't know, it definitely didn't feel 'cool' when the scars were being made," he points out. "On either of our parts, I would assume." Referring, of course, to Shiro's own scar.
That said though, he also notes, more seriously, "Thank you. I don't expect things will go too badly, but I'm going to have to compensate for at least temporarily losing my depth perception. I might bump into things or knock things over." He bottle of eye drops is displayed in his hand then. "Doctor Rebane wants me to put these in my left eye three times a day, and would ideally like me to wear the patch for a while after putting them in. And he wants me to wear it when I notice my eyes getting tired. So I won't have to wear the thing full time, just for a little while, to rest my eye."
"Yeah, I'm sure it didn't feel cool," Shiro replies as he rubs at the back of his own neck, "And no...getting mine wasn't cool for me at all, as much as a lot of other people probably thought it was." He then brings his hand back down and fidgets a little with it over his own lap, using his floating robo hand the same as a normal hand as they fidget together. "I could help with the drops if you need, and well, reorienting if your trajectory is off by too much."
Takashi Shirogane nods in reply. "And you're sure you don't need any help with your up keep that you aren't telling me about either, right," he asks, "Like how you had trouble with your hair before?" It's like pot calling kettle black, but he knows all about hiding stuff from somebody.
Adam shakes his head. "No, I promise," he offers honestly. "It's just my arm and leg that need the lotion, and that's just after I get done bathing. And if it hurts to bend to get my ankle, I can just bend my knee and get to it that way." A bit of a blush appears then, as he adds, "Besides, we've, uh... already discussed why that step is one I need to do myself."
The subject had come up shortly after Adam discovered he'd need to have this ongoing care, that he'd need to continually use lotion on his burned arm and leg to avoid the skin scarring into a crusted mass and making mobility impossible. But the contact required for Shiro to help with this step? That would be far too much for Adam's sense of propriety.
Shiro makes a face and nods in reply again. His expression seems to be saying 'seriously' in exasperation, but he's blushing slightly in spite of it. "A robot hand probably wouldn't be good for that anyway..." he agrees after a thoughtful moment.
"That too," Adam agrees. "Having to touch the skin there at all still just feels very unpleasant, and getting the lotion onto where it's burned is still pretty painful. And as much as your arm really doesn't bother me -- I think it's pretty interesting, in fact -- the metal would probably hurt worse." The burned skin is still a little too sensitive to handle that.
Though he does have to struggle not to comment on the exasperated expression. He's not sure where that's coming from -- they're not together anymore, it's inappropriate for them to share the same kind of closeness they did back then. So he does frown a bit, but keeps quiet.
It's not as if Shiro has forgotten about their separated status. However, it's not something that bothers him in the thought of taking care of Adam's wellbeing. In that sense, to him it's all something he's seen before. Though, thinking harder it might not be as simple for him as he's assuming immediately. "True..." Shiro murmurs, relaxing somewhat about Adam's need to keep his modesty. "Sorry, it's not exactly a situation we're used to."
The frown eases from Adam's face, and he sighs a bit. "You're right..." A pause, and then a surprisingly honest remark -- though Adam finds his own hands utterly fascinating as he speaks. "I know it has to seem almost silly, for me to want to... I guess... push you away in some respects. Particularly since, when the shoe was on the other foot, you didn't. I'm not really used to being the one needing help. But that's not it. I just... I can't explain why I'm doing it." Well, that's a lie. He can, he just won't. "But... it's something that I have to do."
Shiro nods in reply. "It's a lot different when you aren't used to being naked and poked and prodded at by strangers on a common basis as just the most base line part of all this," he notes, "It took me a moment to realize that and well, maybe I shouldn't be so baffled by the possibility of lack of trust either, given what happened."
"It's... partly that," Adam agrees. "The pendulum really has swung back the other way, and I admit... I'm having trouble adjusting to that. The rest is my own problem. But aside from my eye, the prognosis is good for everything else. My leg is fine -- though I'm not going to strain it for a while yet -- and my ribs are looking good. It looks like everything is progressing along fine -- pretty soon I'll be recovered, and we won't have to worry about it anymore." He offers a subdued smile here. It's not abnormally subdued, that's just the way he is.
"Yeah, you'd probably rather get out there on your own than having to deal with some bizarro version of the old days," Shiro states, "Just...don't rush out prematurely with some sort of misconception that you're a bother, ok?"
Adam winces a bit at this. It's not a wince of physical pain, but an 'ouch, right on the button' sort of wince. A 'be rightly guessed' wince. "That's... a lot of it, yeah," he admits. "I'm partially worried about you, too. Not just helping me -- which I do appreciate -- but having to deal with me being around. It isn't fair to you. All I can really hope is that it was a long enough time between the Kerebos mission and when you were brought here for you to have... dealt with things." He isn't mentioning that it's difficult for him too. That's not what this is about.
"It's fine," Shiro insists, "I'd rather not be left to my own thoughts longer than I have to be... Not in a sense like I expect you to stay around for my sake...just, it's honestly not bothering me."
Adam nods. "There's that too," he agrees. "I know you, you'd drive yourself crazy wondering how everyone back home was doing, how you might be able to get back, how you could have prevented getting brought here in the first place... And... I probably would too, if I'm being honest." That and feeling lousy that he just ended up dying after such a useless flailing against a superior force that then went on to destroy his home planet...
Shiro sighs and...sort of crosses his arms. "Yeah, as awkward as it is, we're good for what we need right now..."
Once more, Adam nods. "It seems so..." It's kind of a lame response, but... what else can he say? He sighs quietly. He's silent for a while. Then, "...Well, I should probably put some of these drops in my eye before I go to bed. I want to see if they hurt to put in. If they do, I might need help."
"Ok, well...you know how to reach me," Shiro says with a slight nod. He'd peer at the calendar unrelatedly to the situation at hand and honestly look surprised by something.
Adam notes the look at the calendar as he walks out of the living room. And he gives a little smile, unseen by Shiro, since his back is turned. ('Oh, don't you worry, Takashi. I have you covered on exactly that,') Then he heads into the bathroom -- it'll probably be less messy to do this in the bathroom, at least until he gets used to using these drops.
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